Random Pieces of My Mind
by REn cI ShA ShoU. Mercy-Killer
Summary: Random things and insane stories from the mind of yours truly.
1. I missed you now I want to kiss you

Frustration held on to the rest of my insanity, threatening to not let go. Nothing was clear to me, as if I was dreaming not walking in reality. The reality that haunts me and has haunted me for so long. He was gone and the cold truth was that I couldn't live without him because he was the excitement and the life of my life. And nothing would ever change that, he had known that. That being along side me so long would do such a thing. Most likely he didn't care, or he just wanted me never to reject him for there were many others that have. He wanted me never to leave him because I was his sanity and salvation. Maybe I already knew that and had wanted it too. Maybe this was fate maybe just maybe...but to me fate is for the future of ones death, losing your most prized possession. Perhaps it was destiny or...or...no it is fate because this was only a lost cause. We were never meant to live along side one another for so long, we were fate's fate because there is no destiny. The only point of this was not to see the truth behind my eyes but between your lips and the resting wave inside my thoughts. This is the truth about our lives, now I have to live with it for the rest of eternity. To die just to be with him wouldn't help ,it would only alter what is already planned ahead and perhaps that decision was already made and nothing was ever to be changed. I felt the air in my room shift and bend, as if he had just climbed through my window. The once existing skeleton-man standing in a pin-stripped suit that had always jumped into my room unannounced was the image he had left me with. And the one thing that he did that always vexed me was the one thing I yearned for once again. I turned the opposite way of the window not expecting to see him, because I had learned he was never coming back not even if I kicked and screamed. That was reality for you, I sighed and then with anger threw the book I was reading at the window. It didn't hit the floor as I expected it to.  
"I guess you didn't miss me." Came a smooth and pleasant voice, a voice that reminded me so much of some one I had once loved. The name to the man that owned such a voice was as such. Skulduggery Pleasant. I sat up in tears, wondering if my ears were deceiving me. My eyes were only casted on the floor, I didn't want to be disappointed, not again. Not ever again, but I needed to know if he would ever really leave me. I looked up my vision was blurred from the tears and as I cleared them away there was a tall thin figure leaning against the wall.  
"Is it really you?"It was barely audible to this world.

"Who did you expect, Barney with a chainsaw?" The same old humor, I smiled a mischievous smile.

"Well just half expecting..."He tilted his head watching tears slide down my face.

"Aren't you happy I'm back?" I nodded shuffling closer to him, he didn't seem to notice.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because your back." He seemed to frown.

"I'm that unmissed by you?" I rolled my eyes seeing that the detective was clueless when it came to me.

"No I'm happy that your back."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because your back."I said trying to get to the point.

"But your crying..."

"Yes."

"Why?"I sighed and now was a foot in front of him.

"Because."

"Because of what?"

"Must you interrogate me?"

"No-its just that-just tell me why your crying?"

"Because your here, and I found out something today."

"And your still crying so what is it that you found out today."

"I found out that-"

"That? Go ahead spit it out."

"I found out that...that I don't have to live the rest of my life without my pain of a teacher...my best friend."I said that so quite that I was afraid that I had to repeat myself.

"Ooh." Was all he said to me before my feet was inches away from his, I leaned in and gave him a quick hug and kissed his cheekbone so quickly I barely noticed that I did that.


	2. Let's Confuse the Doctor

Therapy

"I refuse to go to a doctor much less a shrink , its demeaning and-and quite frankly I don't think there is anything wrong with me. The Faceless Ones didn't even notice me , I wasn't even driven mad." Skulduggery Pleasant complained as he was being pulled into a session with a magic psychiatrist's in one of the offices he never set foot in ,with permission of course.

"But you have to or the Sanctuary will fire you. So you have no choice besides I don't want to be sweeping after the lazy boned skeleton now living in my closet. Now come on!"

"That was only a few times that I stayed over and slept or rather meditated in your closet. I didn't know where the Bentley was, and I was too tired to walk home. The other times Ghastly wouldn't give me a ride and Tanith on her motorcycle is just not an answer to my problems, ever."

"Well still, you've gotten lazy."

"Have not!"

"Have too!"

"Have not!"

"Did too!"

"Excuse me!"

"What!?" Skulduggery and Valkyrie said at the same time but then noticed who they were speaking to.

"Sorry, umm yes well...how may I help you?"

"We are here to see , is he ready for our appointment?"

"He is waiting for you this way please." The short red head woman said ushering us through halls with wizards holding books and weapons at their sides.

"Behave Skulduggery and don't punch this guy too. Remember last time?"

"Well he asked for it, asking too many questions for his own good."

"He was suppose to, but no you just had to knock him out just because you thought he was asking too many questions. You almost got sued and fired on the same day." Skulduggery chuckled as they followed the woman in front of them.

"Here we are, Doctor the Detective is here."

"Thank you Laurance but just a second can you help me with some files and copies before you let them in?"Laurance looked back and excused herself from Skulduggery and Valkyrie, she walked into 's office closing the door after. Skulduggery looked around and scoffed.

"Valkyrie?"

"Yes?"

"Don't let me go in there please, don't make me!"

"Wait do I hear begging from the most famous detective in the magical world?"

"Come on Valkyrie don't make me go! Please?"

"This is embarrassing for some one's ego."

"Thank you for caring but that doesn't-"Valkyrie cut him off by saying,"No you bag of bones your ruining my ego."

"Oh very funny, but still come on don't send me in there!"

"Fine if it makes you feel better...I'll stay with you."

"Thank you, thank you. Thank you."

"You can go in now." Laurance said opening the door and stepping out. Skulduggery gave her a nod of acknowledgement, and we walked sat beside Skulduggery as he fiddled with his hat and mumbled something about setting Valkyrie on fire out of boredom. In return Valkyrie slapped him, then he elbowed her, and then she gave him dirty look mad enough to kill.  
"Sssh bone head."

"I do have a skull for a head."

"Shut up!"

"You first."

"Bite me."

"That would hurt."

"Moron."

"Cain."

"Pleasant."

"Excuse me?" Dr. September said interrupting our argument.

"Yes?" Valkyrie said sweetly as she planned revenge at Skulduggery for saying that setting her on fire was going to fix his boredom.

"May we begin?" pointed Skulduggery out.

"Certaintly."

"Thank you. Now Detective Pleasant I come to understand that you have been stuck at the other end of our realm with the Faceless Ones, and is presumably not gone mad. How are you feeling right now?"

"I'd assure that there isn't a thing wrong with me so...can we go now."Valkyrie slapped him but he remained determined to leave.

"So why would you only assume this?"

"Because I am not sure, clearly a man of your knowledge and thought would find that out."

"Yes well what makes you think that?"

"Well first of all you have 5 certificates from some of the finest schools in the world. You have a rather odd taste in color but a good eye for books. You are a family man, a daughter and a son." Skulduggery pointed out every detail even down to the red and black tile.

"You have a good eye Detective Pleasant, but what makes you so authorized to piont out my flaws as well as my way of thought?"

"More then likely you already know."

"What if I was to say I didn't?"

"Doctor, I'm getting rather agitated from your constant answering my questions with questions of your own."

"Is that what you think?"

"Its what I know."

"And you come to believe that you should be that sure of yourself?"

"Yes quite sure of everything."

"I have a reason to believe that you dislike me Detective, is that not true?"

"Its quite true, I'm rather fond of you but it is getting old very quickly."

"What makes you say that?"

"Your questions and the way you keep gawking at my apprentice, my 15 year old apprentice."

"You come to think that I would do such a thing?"

"I **know**, the way you flirt with your secretary and what you both did after dinner last night."The Doctor's mouth dropped.

"I'm sure I don't have any idea of what you mean, are you trying to put me in an uncomfortable position?"

"You should know shouldn't you?"

"But indeed are you sure that this isn't all become a little game, some sort of interrogation? Some fun opening some one's mind, perhaps that's all you enjoy?"

"I'm sure its not Dr. September. But what if to you all this is just your cup of tea?"

"Detective, then explain why are you so attached to your apprentice? Why just seconds ago you were practically acting like a married couple does?"

"That's offending Doctor."

"I wasn't trying Detective."

All of a sudden a small bell rung, who knew where it was but it rung.

"Our session is over Detective."

"That it is, see you next Saturday?"

"Perfect, have a great day." They shook hands like good friends and Skulduggery pulled Valkyrie out by the shoulders.

"Well that was fun."Valkyrie said walking down the magic hall."Your coming back just to set him on fire aren't you?"

"Well, after what he said you realize its my duty."

"Exactly your civic duty." Valkyrie said as she thought that she was never going to pull him into doing that again.


	3. Let's Get the Doctor

The Next Saturday

"Hello Detective."

"Hello Doctor."

"How are you?"

"Not bad, how about you?"

"Can't complain, so what makes it a not bad day?"

"Something I'm about to do."

"What's that?"

"Set you on fire."

"What?!"

Skulduggery threw four fire balls at the doctor and ran, Valkyrie laughing right after him.

"That's what you get for saying that about me and Skulduggery!" She called laughing and falling, Skulduggery pulling her along.


	4. Randomness List

**YEAH RANDOMNESS SEE THIS PROVES I'M CRAZY-LAUGHS SINISTERLY- BUT DON'T TELL THE DOC SEPTEMBER THAT I'M HERE I RAN AWAY YESTERDAY AFTER SETTING HIM ON FIRE AFTER SKULDUGGERY DID I THOUGHT AT THE MOMENT COPING MY IDEAL WAS GOING TO BE FUN BUT THE DOCTOR DIDN'T**

* * *

Naughty list:- Why:- The Punishment:

Skulduggery and Valkyrie-for him kissing her and not me- stuff his skull with cheesecake and dress him up like a princess, and scream vampire each time i see her

1.)6xxValkyrie-Cainxx6- writing too slow on stories- slap on the face

2.).belle- writing too slow on stories- an egged house

3.)bumblebee84- writing too slow on stories- thrown pencil to head

4.)Crystal Rosen- writing too slow on stories- a dead rose and Skulduggery's hat (run he'll get you)

5.)flaring rythym- writing too slow on stories- a bowl of brussel sprouts

6.)Mademise Morte- writing too slow on stories- a none working pen to sign your name written to you for a million(haha you won't get it now)

7.)Little Miss Skull- writing too slow on stories- a peanut butter and jelly sandwitch with out milk

8.)Skulduggery Skeleton- writing too slow on stories- a ripped Skulduggery book that has a crown on his head and says I'm a princess

9.)TheBlueBottle- writing too slow on stories- say egg head each time you enter the room

10.)x-FruitySkittles-x- writing too slow on stories -paint your house pink

11.)xXxSour-LemonxXx -writing too slow on stories -shave your dog

12.)YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff -writing too slow on stories -break your computerby putting ketchup in it

56.)Skulduggerys-Girl-Valkyrie- writing too slow on stories -put a fish in your coffee

13.)NerdySkeleton -writing too slow on- stories use your toothbrush for cleaning my dog Spot

14.)Innocence- writing too slow on stories- dye your hair pucke green

15.)A Girl Named K -writing too slow on stories- get my vampire pet/boyfriend on you

16.)ArtsyChick- writing too slow on stories- replace your socks with banana peals

17.)happylandfill -writing too slow on stories -put pudding in your shampoo

18.)evaernst -writing too slow on stories- prank call you on hallowen and say your grandmom just got eaten by the big bad wolf

19.)Lady Alyss -writing too slow on stories- boooh each time your type the letter T

20.)Lady Tourniquet -writing too slow on stories- rip your homework and blame it on Fletcher

21.)LythiaHarpen -writing too slow on stories -put maker on your face when your sleeping and blame Fletcher again

22.)lemonyellowprincess -writing too slow on stories -take one of China's books and give it to you (hahaha she's ticked off today)

23.)Basic-bookworm- writing too slow on stories- stuff peanut butter in your ears when your sleeping


	5. Randomness List 2

**GOODNESS I'M NOT EVIL WELL NOT ALL EVIL JUST ASK CHINA I GAVE HER BOOK BACK -AFTER I SET IT ON FIRE- OF COURSE WHO SAID BOOKS NEVER HURT PEOPLE -AFTER ALL WHO KNOWS IF THEY BRAIN WASHED CHINA**

GOOD LIST:-WHY:-REWARD:

Skulduggery Pleasant-for being awesome-a long passionate kiss(kidding)

Valkyrie Cain-for being bad ass and beside Skulduggery-a working pen

6xxValkyrie-Cainxx6- for reading Skuluduggery- a pudding cup

.belle- for being alive- ice cream

bumblebee84- for trying to talk to me- a spork

Crystal Rosen- for a cool name- a live rose and a kiss from Skulduggery

flaring rythym- for being funny and getting me thrown out of the library- red hair dye

Mademise Morte- for being sticky- a million dollars(though i am broke)

Little Miss Skull- for writing stories on fanfiction- a sherlock holmes book

Skulduggery Skeleton- for being awesome- chocolate cake

TheBlueBottle- for being cool- Skulduggery's sun glasses (he doesn't know i stole it so your okay so far)

x-FruitySkittles-x- for having a skittle name- a ton of skittles

xXxSour-LemonxXx - for having lemon in your name- lemonade for free

YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff -for yaying for magic detectives and stuff- a glow in the dark goat

Skulduggerys-Girl-Valkyrie- for Valkyrie in your name- Skulduggery's skull i toke it yesterday

NerdySkeleton -for being not nerdy- a box of coco puffs and a banana

Innocence- for not being innocent- an eraser

A Girl Named K -for being a human- a penny

ArtsyChick-for being artsy- a paint job on your car

happylandfill - say your happy i'm happy- a chocolate bar

evaernst -because i feel like it- a cheese stick

Lady Alyss -my fan- a big hug

Lady Tourniquet -for being a lady- a car

LythiaHarpen -my fan friend- skulduggery's car keys don't worry he doesn't know its gone yet

lemonyellowprincess -princesses love stories- hahah a crown that says princess

Basic-bookworm-for being there and all- a free hot chocolate yyayayaa


	6. Word Game

i love games i made this game up love it and i love yall because i just feel so loved so love yal

* * *

"Skulduggery?Want to play a game?" Valkyrie said with a wry smile.

"What kind of game, not like last time right? When you decided to polish me when I was meditating."

"Nope, its a word game. The person to run out of words first loses. Got it?"

"Sounds easy."

"Okay, Skulduggery."

"What?"

"Detective."

"Oh right we're starting now. Ice cream and cake."

"That is two words, that's cheating because I'll run out of words faster. So peanut butter."Valkyrie said making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Tea." Skulduggery said watching Valkyrie drink the tea he made for her.

"Toothpaste."Valkyrie said looking at the skeleton's bare teeth.

"Carrot."Skulduggery said really wanting a carrot cake just then, but he had no stomach in which it would digest in.

"Yellow." Valkyrie said for her favorite part of the day, the sunset.

"Tires." Skulduggery said remembering his most prized possession, his Bentley.

"Money." Valkyrie said still wanting that skull necklace for sale at Hot Topic.

Just then the very Tanith Low entered the room to see Skulduggery and Valkyrie sitting across from each other saying the most random things.

"What you doing?"Tanith asked sitting beside Valkyrie.

"Word."Valkyrie replied.

"Game."Skulduggery finished for her.

"OOOh that sounds fun, who's winning?"Tanith said stealing a piece of Valkyrie's sandwich.

"Me." Valkyrie said slapping her hand away.

"No."Skulduggery said sounding as if Valkyrie was lieing.

"Yes."Valkyrie yelled.

"Liar."Skulduggery said pointing at Valkyrie.

"Moron."Valkyrie said rolling her eyes at Skulduggery.

"Idiot."Skulduggery teased.

"Jerk."Valkyrie said pouting.

"Meany."Skulduggery said calmly.

"Indifferent."Valkyrie said changing the topic.

"Just."Skulduggery said saying the exact opposite of what Valkyrie said.

"Dictionary."Valkyrie really wanted to win, so she needed a dictionary so bad.

"Words." Skulduggery said having the same thought.

"Cats and dogs." Valkyrie said panicking.

"Cheater, you said only one word at a time remember?"Skulduggery complained.

"Nope."Valkyrie said defiantly.

"Evil."Skulduggery said pointing at Valkyrie.

"Death."Valkyrie said that because of Skulduggery and her pet dog that died, Spot.

"Morbid."Skulduggery knew what she was thinking of.

"Macabre."Valkyrie said showing of her awesome words.

"Enigma."Skulduggery whispered, Valkyrie shrank back not knowing what else to say.

"Dark."Valkyrie said matching Skulduggery's appearance.

"Thoughts."Skulduggery said trying to stop his thoughts.

"Lost."Valkyrie said at a lose for words.

"Bored."Skulduggery said pretending to yawn.

"Shutter Island."Valkyrie really wanted to watch that new movie "Shutter Island".

"Happened."Skulduggery said telling the truth.

"Real?"Valkyrie practically asking.

"Tis."Skulduggery said tilting his chair, Tanith gave him a questioning look, and Valkyrie toke the last bite from her sandwich.

"What?"Valkyrie said in shock , then recovered.

"Blue."Skulduggery said just because it was Valkyrie's favorite color, and it made her pout.

"Bentley."Valkyrie said because Skulduggery never said it.

"Magic."Skulduggery said knowing that he just stole her word.

"Water."Valkyrie knew that he would say magic, so she toke the next best thing.

"Fire."Skulduggery said that because it was Valkyrie's favorite element.

"Knife."Valkyrie said holding a mad stare.

"Dare."Skulduggery said as he watched Valkyrie wash her dishes.

"Sure."Valkyrie said holding a butter knife and putting it down, laughing.

"Wimp."Skulduggery said playing with the air around Valkyrie, still tilting his chair.

"Earth."Valkyrie decided to use another element.

"Air."Skulduggery said smugly.

"Okay."Valkyrie said and then using air pushed Skulduggery off his chair, and Tanith and herself broke out laughing. Skulduggery got up and dusted himself off, sitting back down more determined then ever.

"Demon."Skulduggery said teasing more harshly.

"Grim Reaper."Valkyrie yelled and started to laugh again, by now Tanith was on the floor tears of laughter falling down.

"Undefeatable."Skulduggery said sure that he wouldn't lose.

"Break?"Valkyrie asked and Skulduggery answered by saying,

"Please."A practical beg.


	7. Pencils that Talk

"Why are you staring at that pencil like it'll give you money for staring?"Skulduggery asked Valkyrie as she stared at a pencil with a ripped eraser.

"If your skull can hold thoughts and talk with magic why not this pencil?"Valkyrie said defiantly still staring at the pencil.

"Funny, but there is this little glich in your plan."

"Whats that?"

"I'm human and was dead, there isn't the right kind of magic in your head or in your hands and well pencils don't need to talk. They are rather vexing, always complaining about how they used to be trees and touch the sky."

"You've spoken to a pencil?"

"Well you could say I have."

"Really, well that makes me want to make the pencil talk more."

"Can't say I didn't try."Skulduggery warned as he left for another room.

"Come on talk to me pencil, please I'll be your best friend."Silence and the tension of thought filled the air.

"Only if you don't set me on fire."A voice said, Valkyrie jumped and looked around.

"What was that?"Valkyrie asked looking at the pencil.

"Me, the pencil in your hand. Your new best friend."Valkyrie shrieked not from shock but happiness.

"My new best friend? Ohh I promised that didn't I?"

"Yup now your stuck with me."Valkyrie smiled to herself, this could be fun.


	8. Pencils that Talk Are Annoying

"So what do you want to do now?"Valkyrie asked the pencil.

"I want to write a letter to my mother in Canada, she's a big oak tree you know. We trees can practically touch the sky."The pencil said.

"Okay so tell me what to write," Valkyrie got a sheet of paper and grabbed the pencil ready to write. "Dear...."Valkyrie read aloud.

"I don't have a name, sooo make me one. Something sporty and awesome."

"Okay, umm how about Perry?"

"Well not good enough what else you got?"The pencil asked.

"Peter?Paul?Phil?"Valkyrie asked.

"Whats with all the p's, something different please."

"Stewat?"Valkyrie said remembering the movie with the mouse and him talking to humans.

"Good enough for me. So write dear mother, I've missed you and the open skies. I wonder how tall you've gotten, probably tall enough to touch the sky. I love you mom, just as much as the sky."

"Okay."Valkyrie said sticking her tongue at the side of her mouth in great concentration.

"I miss the sky, the oh so opoen sky, but oh deary me I'm a pencil now talking to a human girl named Valkyrie Cain."

"Hay how did you know my name?"

"I'm your best friend I should know such things."

"Oh."Valkyrie looked at the pencil starting to get edgy with this wierd pencil talking to her.

"I miss the sky and you and the others. Mostly I miss the sky and the grass at my bark, and I miss the rest of me too." Valkyrie sighed, the pencil really did complain about the sky.

"Man I miss the sky and ooh did I menchon the sky?"Valkyrie was really getting annoyed.

"I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky.I miss the sky."Okay that is enough, Vakyrie thought.

"I'm sorry Stewart for what I'm about to do." She got the pencil and clicked her fingers, setting the pencil on fire. She heard screams and felt sorry but okay now.

"I'll be back Valkyrie Cain, my own best friend betrayed me. Who would have thought?"It screamed, Valkyrie dropped the pencil and screamed as it was gone.

* * *

"Valkyrie why are you screaming about a pencil named Stewart in you dreams?"Skulduggery said shaking her shoulders.

"No don't Stewart I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I set you on fire!!! Please forgive me, I don't know what came over me!!!OOh wha what? What happened?"Valkyrie said looking around.

"You fell asleep trying to make that pencil talk."Skulduggery said laughing a little.

"Oh so it was a dream phew!"Valkyrie said taking out a pencil from the same box Stewat came from.

"You killed my brother!"The pencil in her hand yelled and Valkyrie screamed letting the pencil drop to the floor.

**To be continued...................................................................................................**


	9. Bordem and Mercyful

so i got bored and writers block and decided to write about talking pencils so what but now i got writers block on that too so decided to join the Skulduggery world

* * *

"Skulduggery I'm bored."Valkyrie complained as she watched him read a rather too thick book on "Angels", couldn't say that I didn't believe in them.

"Miss Cain is always bored."He said glancing at her.

"No your the one that makes things exciting but today your boring and reading instead of being bad ass."

"Glad I'm of some kind of importance in your life, that's how awesome I am."Skulduggery said looking back at this book.

"Pfft. You wish you were **that **important, but your not."

"Really, then who is?"Skulduggery asked looking up again.

"You want to know?"

"I'd want to know what was my competition in the big role in your life."

"Your sure about that?"

"Yes, actually quite so."

"You really sure?"

"I've already said yes."

"But your sure?"

"Is this part of entertaining yourself?"

"Maybe."

"So I'm not going to find out?"

"Nope."Valkyrie said getting up and running away, Skulduggery starred after her.

"Your a weird child."

"I am not--- wweir---a child!"Valkyrie yelled coming back with a cup of water.

"And what do you plan to do with that?"

"Something."Valkyrie said sitting back down and starring at Skulduggery with a sly grin on her face. And then there was silence,(except for my fans snickering!).

"What are you thinking?"Skulduggery asked cautious with her stare.

"Lots of clever little things."Valkyrie answered said her hand drifting over the top of the cup, and it dissappeared into the air.

"Valkyrie don't dare wet my favorite suit."

"What makes you think that?"

"Valkyrie being of course Valkyrie she would be plotting to put that water on me."

"Ooh really,what if this isn't Valkyrie but Miss Cain?"

"Those are the same person."

"Are you sure about that Detective?"

"I'm totally sure of myself all the time."Skulduggery said flipping the page and Valkyrie starred at him waiting for the right moment.

"I like peanut butter because it is purple."Valkyrie said starring into the cup.

"No it is not dear Valkyrie it is brown."

"Your a racist, why can't jelly be brown in the relationship?"

"What are you talking about?"Skulduggery asked getting a litte worried and wondering if she has been hanging around Flaring Rythym and the rest of those quacks.(your not a quack to me),and silence filled the air. Skulduggery tensed.

"I like rain."Valkyrie said looking outside as she could see there were no clouds or rain to speak about.

"Why is that?"Skulduggery asked still not sure about Valkyrie.

"I miss it."

"So what then are you going to do?"Skulduggery asked.

"Make it myself."And suddenly it started to pour rain inside of China's library. Somewhere by the computers a girl name Mercyful started to laugh like crazy, China looked ticked off about her laughing and now was going to see this.

"Valkyrie?"

"I am Miss Cain."

"Miss Cain?"Skulduggery said being drenched.

"Yes Detective?"Valkyrie said sweetly.

"Skulduggery!!!!"China yelled as she held Mercyful's right wrist, she was ticked off for sure.

"Look what you did!"Valkyrie screamed and pionted at Skulduggery.

"Out both of you!!!Now and take her with you!!!And for heavens sake stop this rain, my books are getting wet!!!!"She pushed Mercyful towards them, she only smiled and held her hands out to feel the rain.

"Cool."Mercyful said and started to do a rain dance, Skulduggery pulled her along and Valkyrie held in her laughter until she got outside.

"Do you happen to know who **I **am Mister?"Mercyful asked Skulduggery.

"No idea."

"**Me** either."Mercyful said looking around cluelessly.

"You don't know who you are?"Skulduggery asked watching Valkyrie turn red for holding her laughter.

"I know that my name is Mercyful. And well thats about it, I've been living with China for a week, but now I think she doesn't like me anymore."Mercyful explained pulling on her hair.

**To be continued.............................**


	10. Mercyful Forgot

"Don't worry she doesn't like anyone."Skulduggery told Mercyful as Valkyrie got into the car, of course she was still laughing but Skulduggery really didn't want anyone to see her laugh.

"Well thanks anyway Mister, trying is something isn't? I'll go somewhere else to ask people."Mercyful stood there and Skulduggery hesitated, Valkyrie got out still red from laughter.

"Skulduggery can Mercyful come with us?"Valkyrie asked.

"Not if your going to make it rain in the Bentely."Skulduggery said coldly.

"Mercyful come on you can catch a ride to where ever your going , if you know where your going?"Valkyrie said pulling Mercyful into the car.

"I have no idea what continent I'm on, it would help if you told me."Mercyful said sitting in the back set.

"Your in Ireland."Skulduggery said getting in and strapping his belt.

"Wow I'm in Ireland but I don't think I lived here before. Pfft I don't know whats my favorite color."Mercyful said dusting of her Nightmare Before Christmas Jacket and playing with her mood ring.

"Don't worry Skulduggery will help you, after all he is the greatest magic detective around. And I have a clue that your fav color is black."Valkyrie said watching Mercyful's every move. Mercyful had naturally curly brown hair with small black bows in it, she wore a Kanye West shirt and black jeans. She had brown eyes and wore a moon necklace around her neck, everything just a bunch of black. She looked like a goth girl with black lipstick and black nails, she even had black boots.

"Hhm sounds reasonable, anyway so who's Skulduggery?"Mercyful asked, causing Valkyrie to drop her mouth.

"He's the skeleton driving, the famous detective Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Nothing rings the bell."Mercyful said looking out the window.

"Well thanks Detective Pleasant and?"

"You don't know her either do you? The great apprentice that saved my but from the faceless ones. The Valkyrie Cain."Skulduggery said.

"Well thanks, so umm where does this all start?"Mercyful asked with a lazy kind of slack in her voice.

"The Sanctuary."Skulduggery and Valkyrie said at the same time.

"Whats that?"Mercyful asked. Skulduggery sighed and Valkyrie slapped her forehead.

"Skulduggery do you even think shes from the magic world, how did she deal with China?"Valkyrie said.

"Well since she isn't dead and wasn't China's slave, I'm guessing she has some kind of magic. Well have to start from the bottom since well her taken name starts with Mercyful, no last known name. Oh dear this is going to be hard, Mercyful do you rememeber how this happened?"Skulduggery asked, she shrugged her shoulders.

"No clue don't remember a thing."Mercyful said biting her nail.

"This is going to take forever."Valkyrie said looking at Skulduggery from the corner of her eyes.


	11. Mercyful's Song

**Sally's Song  
I sense theres something in the wind**  
**it feels like tragedy is at hand**

* * *

**(i only own Mercyful Fear and the plot just saying)**

**Valkyrie POV**

Wow that was how I felt now, just looking at him and listening to this was depressing. Gosh he was clueless when it came to me. I remember that night he came into my room, and of all people I was the first one he visited. Damn Skulduggery why did he have to go and be all Skulduggery Pleasant, crap I needed a life. I looked around the record room, Mercyful stood next to me having that damn song on full blast that I heard every word.

"Your going to deaf yourself."Skulduggery said as he looked through a stack of files, we were of course looking for info on a missing person that would at least look like Mercyful. None yet.

"I think I already was, this song was on repeat and on this level when I barely noticed the mp3 in my pocket."Mercyful said messing with the touch screen buttons.

**and though i'd like to stand by him**  
**i can't shack this feeling that i can't**

"Mercyful your sure you don't remember a thing about your past."Valkyrie asked looking through files as well.

"Pretty sure I would know and would have then there for told you if I had."Mercyful explained sounding as if she was bored. "I feel weird all of a sudden, like I can't really focus on what I'm thinking. Weirdo though, doesn't sound like my thoughts."Mercyful said holding onto a file cabinet for support. Skulduggery just starred and discontinued her.

"Valkyrie watch that she doesn't barf or faint I'm only allowed her few more times, don't make it never again." Skulduggery said knowing Valkyrie wouldn't really want to catch her anyway. Sure thing Captain, Valkyrie thought.

"Your not going to you know...barf on me are you?"Valkyrie asked Mercyful, she shock her head as her hands let go of her support.

"I guess I'm fine. Hay Valkyrie why is this happening?"Mercyful asked looking at her mood ring as the colors raged within.

**the worst is just around the bend**  
**and does he notice**  
**my feelings for him**

"I don't know." Valkyrie shrugged her shoulders and then starred at Mercyful.

"What?"Mercyful asked, noticing the intense stare.

"Just trying to figure out your past."Valkyrie answered going back to work.

**and with this see  
how much he means to me**  
**i think its not to be**

"What if I had a bad past or not a past at all?"Mercyful asked.

"We'll just have to see now don't we?"Valkyrie said finding a picture of a girl almost too similar to Mercyful.

**what will become of my dear friend**  
**where will his actions lead us then**

"Got it."Valkyrie yelled at Skulduggery."You owe me fifty."

**although i'd like to join the crowd**  
**in there refusing us to crown**

"I don't think I can do those fifty push ups right not commander."Skulduggery said putting everything away.

"Funny skeleton, fifty as in money."Valkyrie said grinning.

"I don't think I ever started this bet, none the less I would never start one with **you**."Skulduggery said cleaning up.

"Well then you can get these files and stuf--"Valkyrie stopped looking at the dizzy Mercyful.

"Are you alright?"Skulduggery asked stepping forward.

**try as i may it doesn't last**  
**and will we ever**  
**end up together**

"Noot real-"Mercyful said before fainting and Skulduggery of course caught her.

"She seemed fine before, why did she just faint?"Valkyrie asked, knowing where they were going.

**uuww whoa ooooh whoa uuwww whoa oooohhh whoa**

**and when will we ever**  
**end up together**

"I don't know but you must know where we are going."Skulduggery said carrying Mercyful back to the car.

**no i think not**  
**its never to be become**  
**for i am not the one**  
**"Sang by Amy Lee from Nightmare Revisited: Lyrics by Danny Elfman"**

"Kenspeckle here we come."Vallkyrie said, she had been missing him for awhile. Valkyrie toke Mercyful's mp3 and turned it off, not wanting to listen to this song anymore.


	12. Pencils that Talk Kill,and First Kisses

i've worked out how pencils must be evil they are always involved with school so they must be evil  
hahahha poor valkyrie doesn't know which way is up

* * *

"Valkyrie please don't tell me that you actually got a pencil to talk, and then got annoyed ,killed it and now have all pencils after you?"Skulduggery asked as he watched Valkyrie set whole box of pencils on fire one by one.

"I did it in my dreams, I didn't know that it would happen in real life."Valkyrie said stomping on the ashes.

"Can't say why I'm about to say this but told you so."Skulduggery said leaning against the wall.

"Funny Skulduggery but now I can't ever use a pencil again."Valkyrie said sounding disappointed.

"You never did."Valkyrie starred at him and frowned.

"I used pencils before Skulduggery."

"Right you did and you know how to drive."Skulduggery teased leaving the room.

"Curse you skeleton!"She yelled starring at the ashes.

"Well that was pointless."Valkyrie couldn't help but laugh at that joke.

"I'm sorry Stewart but you just got so annoying about the sky, and I've been jealous about not being able to fly."Valkyrie said as serious as death.

"Pfft, I understand."Stewart's voice said making Valkyrie jump.

"Stewart?"Valkyrie said a little scared.

"Behind you."Stewart said and Valkyrie turned around to see her teddy bear standing, and she screamed.

"I thought I turned you on fire. Gosh you know I hate Chucky movies why do you do this?"Valkyrie said backing up.

"Just to kill you that's all."Stewart said smiling.

"Skulduggery?"Valkyrie said but it wasn't loud enough.

"Don't try to get your boyfriend over here girly, parting with revenge will be such sorrow."Stewart kept smiling.

"Skulduggery!!!!"Valkyrie screamed just before Stewart jumped on her ,a knife in his hand.

* * *

"Valkyrie wake up!!!"Skulduggery said shaking Valkyrie's shoulders.

"Nooo!!!!! Skulduggery help me, I don't want to die!!!!!!"Valkyrie screamed causing Skulduggery to panic and he held her closer, tears sprang from her eyes.

"Its okay Valkyrie open your eyes, it was just a nightmare."Skulduggery coed, Valkyrie slowly opened her eyes.

"Skulduggery?"Tears ran down her face and he wiped them away.

"You fell asleep trying to make that pencil talk."He toke a pencil from her hand."And you had a nightmare."He said softly."And you were calling me. What happened?"Valkyrie blushed not wanting to say anything.

"Something that will make you laugh at me so I rather not say."Valkyrie said cleaning her own face.

"Well...if you don't want to tell me you don't have to."Skulduggery patted her back and picked her up.

"What are you doing?"Valkyrie asked turning red again.

"I think you should never be sleep deprived and forced to sleep on couches, you end up having nightmares. At least thats what I've noticed."Skulduggery said tucking her in.

"Thanks."Was all Valkyrie could think of.

"Goodnight Valkyrie."He said and kissed her,(well he is a skeleton still and has never told her his feelings, so he kissed her smack on the lips) he slowly stopped and noticed what he did.

"Umm well I-- did I just-- umm eh err thuu em ehh?"Skulduggery stumbled on his words as Valkyrie blushed the deepest red. She grabbed his collar and pulled him close, she hesitated and then gave him a deep passionate kiss. Nothing mattered except each other.

Suddenly outside Valduggery supporters are revving up.

Relunctantly he let go, "Darn it its those Valduggery supporters from Fanfiction again."

"They never give up do they?"Valkyrie said.

"Darn this writer! I have to go before this becomes an M rated thing. I love you Valkyrie."Skulduggery said and left.

And outside the fans complained and eventually left.

"Darn you MercyFul Fear!"Valkyrie yelled before bed still sulking about Skulduggery.

* * *

In Texas miles away MercyFul laughs crazyly and types madly on a keyboard.

"I'll get you Skulduggery and Valkyrie!!One day I will!!"She laughs again and keeps writing.


	13. Nutcases

"Flaring?"Mercyful spoke into her black old cell phone in her hand.

"Oh hi hi Mercy whatcha doing?"Flaring sqeaked,Mercy sighed.

"Nothing you?"

"Not really."Flaring answered sounding very very bored.

"Let's go tomato some one's house and then say we saw who it was ,pointing the cops in the wrong direction.."Mercy offered.

"Sounds great but we have to go put butter in Fletcher's ears and stuff peas in his nose. Oh and I promised Skulduggery that I would break into his car and hot wire it, joy ride! Sigh and then I said I was going to turn Tanith's closet on fire, super glue Ghastly's furiture to the ceiling and put peanut butter in Valkyrie's shampoo. I have to keep to my promises as always."Flaring said souding if she was just doing everyday things.

"Heeheheh I shall join you. I must also keep my promise to toture Fletcher."Mercyful replied.

"Whahahahhwahwa vendetta is on my agenda. We shall meet at the mall in Hot Topic. I need to get some black spy cloth in order to break into Ghastly's house, spies need to look their best when breaking into and Merry March 3, 2010 Christmas."Flaring screamed all too loudly.

"Oh yes I have your present, I didn't forget. Merry March 3, 2010 Christmas!"Mercyful said way louder then Flaring.

"By see yuz later. Oh and I forgot to mention I sendt you your present,a butter bomb through mail, you can give it to that really annoying library lady."Flaring Rythym said chewing madly on gum in which she planned to stick in Skulduggery's eye sockets.

"Thanks by time the pest control came to help. Say hi to everyone for butter for now."

"Chocolate for now."Flaring replied,and threw the phone at Fletcher as he passed her.

"Ouch."He screamed, "Why did you do that for?"

"Thats what you deserve for being racist and against peanut butter being purple in the relationship!"Flaring yelled,"Oh Mercyful says hi everyone."She said sweetly after her big outburst for purple peanut butter.

"Hi."Everyone said, Flaring picked up the phone.

"You heard that Mercy?"Flaring asked the phone.

"Yup!"Mercyful screamed.

"Okay by!"Flaring yelled and hung up.

"Why are you screaming?"Skulduggery asked walking into the room, Valkyrie right behind him.

"I was talking to Mercy."Flaring said plainly. Everyone understood, when she talked to Mercyful they would always end up some how screaming at each other about random things or arguing with the whole gang.. Flaring decided that her gum was done and walked slyly over to Skulduggery,"Skulduggery can you hold something for me?"

"It isn't a stray rabies dog is it, like last time?"Skulduggery asked remembering the dog chewing on him.

"Nope."Flaring said, she toke out her gum and stuck it deep into Skulduggery's socket. She laughed and went as fast as her wheel chair could carry her and jumped out, now running for her life.

"Flaring Rythym come back here!"Skulduggery yelled, hearing Flaring laugh all the way outside.

"Nutcase."He remarked before he heard a ticking and then peanut butter was sent all over the laughing got even louder.

"Ready."Flaring asked ,Mercyful nodded. They walked into the Hot Topic store ready to buy a bunch of black cloths. They were sure that they would be the best dressed spies in the world.

8 Hours Later..................................

After hours of tormenting the clerk and some of the workers by insulting and telling them to put things back up, they had finally all they needed.

"Bye Red, I really didn't mean to stick gum into your mountain of colorful hair. See no one will notice the big chunck that was cut off by Mercy. She didn't even hurt you with the scissors."

**To be continued.........**


	14. Nutcases 2

Flaring was fusterated now, she had been running into the Bentely a dozen times trying to get it open. She was standing outside of Skulduggery's house with Mercyful.

"Running into it with your wheel chair a million times isn't going to help anyone."Mercyful said looking into the car.

"Nope I got this okay no back seat breaking in."Flaring said determined to break into the car by herself.

2 Hours and a big bump on the head later....

"Flaring I think those are the wrong wires."Mercyful whispered to Flaring as they sat inside Skulduggery's car, Flaring had no idea how to break in so Mercyful took care of that part of the plan. Flaring rubbed the bump on her head from falling of her wheel chair and running head long into the car.

"Fine. Fine you hot wire this damn car, too old and out dated for its own good."Flaring said holding a tub of chocolate and eating it with her hands. Mercyful ripped two wires free and connected them sending the engine roaring.

"How do you know how to hot wire a car and break into one at all any way?"Flaring asked Mercyful as she took the wheel.

"I watched Apocalypse Man on Syfy, still don't know why they changed their name anyway it sucks now. Syfy pfft it was better of Sci-fi."Mercyful said holding a tub of peanut butter and Flaring's chocolate, eating from them both.  
"Ywwupp."Flaring's voice was muffeled because she just took the biggest scoop of chocolate and peanut butter ever.

"Don't hog the sweets Flaring we have to save some for Valkyrie's shampoo and Fletcher's hair gel."Mercyful warned pulling the tubs toward her body.

"Fwwiimme."Flaring said swollowing her chunk of sweets and tugging on the wheel.

"Hay turn turn your going to not run into that mail box."Mercyful screamed pulling at the wheel and unfortunately missing the mail box.

"See you didn't get a scratch on this damn car, what is wrong with you?"Mercyful said standing up and using her unclipped seat belt to hang over Flaring, she let go and climbed into the back seat.

"What time is it?"Flaring asked, Mercyful pulled out a huge round clock out of her tote bag.

"Almost 1 a.m., why are you late for the tea party with the Hatter, the Hare and the mouse thing?"Mercyful gasped remembering that she had been invited exactly 1 year, 7 months, 21 days, 6 hours, 45 minutes and 15 seconds from now.

"No I was invited on the same day you were remember?"Flaring said giving Merycful's head a slap.

"Oh I remember."Mercyful said crawling back into the front seat."Oh look its Lythia, hi Lythia!"Mercyful yelled as she spotted Lythia Harpen walking down the street, I mean really walking through the middle of the road holding a green dog.  
"Hi Mercyful, hi Flaring!"She shouted dropping the green dog, she turned to catch it but it ran away.(Pour thing she probably dyed it green for St. Patrick's day.)

"Damn thing it was the only green thing I had for St. Patrick's day. Now what am I supposed to do?"Lythia said now sitting and pouting in the middle of the road. Mercyful rolled down the window on Flaring's side and looked down at Lythia.

"You can dye your hair green or steal Skulduggery's skul and paint it green, you can use it as an earing or a belt or a necklace."Flaring said getting out of the car, of course still in the middle of the road.

"Yeah you could do that if I wasn't already going to do it."Mercyful said pushing Flaring out of the car and jumping out after quickly got back in and set the break.

"I can't walk back home just yet, we haven't even made any kind of damage."Mercyful said as she got out again.

"So whatcha doing on this beautiful night?"Lythia said laying down on the ground.

"Nothing but stealing and taking a joy ride, sticking furniture to the ceiling, burning closets and putting peanut butter in hair gel and shampoo."Flaring said sitting beside Lythia, Mercyful sat on top of Skulduggery's car.

"I am too...hay Lythia want to join us?"Mercyful had a skeleton grin that would make Jack Skellington jealous.

"Sure...brought some spy clothes if that helps."Lythia said now going through the huge carpet bag.

"Whoa Mary Poppins were did you get the bag, its awesome. You put your whole personality on it. Hahaha Valduggery Supporter. Peanut butter Lover. Crack Maniac."Flaring said poking at the metal buttons.

"Yeah, well they aren't all mine. That Creepy Kid, Madamise Morte, TheBlueBottle, Yayformagicskeletonsandstuff, Basic Bookworm, Lady Alyass, CreepyKid,Skulduggerys-Girl-Valkyrie,YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff, TheDeliquent9, JJ Dragon,Singing Tragedy, all my fav writers and Valduggery advocates,You and Mercyful inspired some of this."Lythia said gesturing to her bag. She smiled sercetly they had no idea what she had planned and stored inside this elusive bag, what an enigma.

To be Continued.....

Immediately......


	15. Fan Girl Rampage

"Skulduggery umm I don't think or wait I know you've noticed the girls following us right?"Valkyrie asked Skulduggery as they walked through an abandoned part of town.

"Yes indeed I have."Skulduggery said looking at Valkyrie.

"And what do you plan to do?"Valkyrie asked looking slightly back.

"Nothing, they'll leave soon."Skulduggery said not sure about them at all.

"Your not sure about that are you?"Valkyrie said knowing her mentor.

"Indeed, I have no idea who they are or if they are purposely following us."Skulduggery said pulling his disguise closer to his skeletal body.

"Hahah thats a first timer."Valkyrie smiled a little peep in her step and a grin on her face.

"Why are you soo happy?"Skulduggery asked worried by Valkyrie's new mood.

"No reason."Valkyrie said with a joyous tone.

"What is it?"Skulduggery scolded.

"Nothing Skulduggery why do you have to always assume things?"Valkyrie said walking ahead of Skulduggery.

"I'm not assuming I'm knowing that there is something your hiding."Skulduggery said stepping to her side.

"Skulduggery Pleasant I swear on my friends on Fan-fiction that there is nothing going on okay. So drop it."Valkyrie said angrily.

"Fine, I think I'm going to have to some how trust you sooner or later."Skulduggery said looking back.

"Oh and one thing you might want to start running."Valkyrie said.

"Why?"Skulduggery asked.

"You said you were going to trust me so that gets you one right for me to help you."Valkyrie said pushing at Skulduggery.

"To help me...to help me from what?"Skulduggery asked worried out of his bones.

"You trust me right?"Valkyrie said now pulling him along.

"Well...yes I assume so."Skulduggery said getting a slap from Valkyrie.

"I thought you never assumed that you only knew."Valkyrie said starting to go into a sprint.

"Yes okay I trust you."Skulduggery said following her and the group of girls behind him seemed to start running closer.

"Skulduggery I'm sorry that I had to put you through this."Valkyrie said as she pulled him into an alley as they rounded the corner.

"Why what is going on?"Skulduggery demanded.

"Don't worry your skul about it okay, I got everything under control. Your just lucky that you finally admited to not knowing something and said that you could trust me, other wise you would have been trampled."Valkyrie said hiding with Skulduggery behind a group of grils passed them oblivious to the two hiding.

"Who are they?"Skulduggery asked getting closer to Valkyrie in order to see, causing her to blush.

"Well I don't think I should tell you."Valkyrie said letting him get closer.

"Fine."Skulduggery said getting closer and closer.

"Well..."Valkyrie couldn't take this anymore."Fine, they are some of your fan girls. They've been looking for you for a while."Skulduggery was now leaning on her.

"It figures that they would find me, who told them I was here anyway?"Valkyrie slapped him.

"You and your ego."She said as they passed again ,looking more confused then deer being face with death as they spot head lights of a car and bam you hear the shriek of tires. Obviously that deer is dead.

"Valkyrie who told them?"Skulduggery said putting his hand on her back.

"I don't know."She said plainly."I sort of figured if I told you all that, that you would figure it out yourself."

"And unfortunately I haven't."Skulduggery said, Valkyrie giggled.

"What is it this time?"Skulduggery said turning her around in order to see her face.

"Nothing its just that...I don't blame them."Valkyrie said smiling.

"For what?"

"For ending up to be an obsessive fan."Valkyrie said turning back around now blushing like a new blooming rose.

"Of course I'm not like one of them."She added.

"You aren't?"Skulduggery said leaning against the brick wall.

"Nope."Valkyrie replied happy that she set this up.

To be continued if issued one review....


	16. Nutcases 3

Flaring Rhythym stared down the dark road holding a green dog that Lythia had lost but after a grand hour of searching and running after she finally had him and wouldn't let go him go again, Lythia Harpen sat beside her eating a bag of banana chips. Mercyful Fear was sitting on top of a 1954 Bentely R-type Continental, she wasn't the owner, but believed that she had every right to sit on top if she was the one to break in and hot wire the thing.

"What's his name?"Mercyful said being the one who didn't care to look for the dog.

"Peanut butter, because I believe peanut butter deserves the right to have a different color other then jelly getting all the colorful fame."Lythia declared petting her dog's tail and combing it with a toothbrush. Flaring and Mercyful nodded in agreement.

After a long silence...

"So what are we waiting for, Skulduggery to come and declare love for me or come with a gun and shoot me for stealing his car?"Mercyful said jumping off and fortunately landing in a puddle of mud, in which this very mud landed on Flaring and Lythia. They with great joy stood and started a mud fight.

"Wait. Weren't we suppost to be doing something?"Lythia asked now muddy from head to toe as well for her dog. Flaring shrugged and Mercyful as an after thought threw mud at Skulduggery's precious car.

"Exactly."Lythia said getting a banana from her magic bag and hitting the car repeatedly."There are many uses for bananas, let me count the ways:chips, making people slip, hitting things with it, eating it,"Lythia peeled the banana and ate it."And using the peal to slap some one."She got the peal in one hand and slapped Mercyful with it.

"Hay, is this slap Mercyful Day or something, because... I feel so honored."Mercyful said starting to cry and thinking up a quick thank you speech."Thank you Flaring Rhythym, Druna Malgood, Shakra Flame, Mademise Morte, and most of all sort of Lythia Harpen for making this possible by slapping me. Thank you all soo much, I love you all."And Mercyful got down and cried, until Lythia slapped her again and she regained her composer.

"Right well we do have other things to finish don't we?"Flaring said getting into the car, Lythia jumped into the back seat holding her dog and Mercyful climbed in through the window. Officially they just ruined the interior of Skulduggery's car, which was by the way ireplacable.

"We just ruined the insides of this car, we should all take a momment of silence to reward our great achievement."Mercyful said turning on the radio and putting in a Nightmare Revisited cd.

"Track 14 will help us with this momment also."Flaring said pushing Mercyful aside, but she couldn't help agree. After all she was going to play 'This is Halloween', and that wasn't good for the momment.

"And for fun lets all declare something no one knows, like a secret. Me first okay...umm...I'm actually crazy."Lythia and Mercyful stared.

"We both sort of know that."Lythia said clipping her dogs toe nails, and Mercyful nodded in agreement.

"Oh well I got nothing. How about you two?"Flaring asked pushing on the gas pedal.

"Do you want to die?"Lythia asked Flaring and Mercyful as they sat without seat belts on. They both thought about it."Yes you do so clip it or ticket."

"Wait...what if I wanted a ticket?"Flaring asked raising her hand off the wheel.

"That's for later."Mercyful said putting on her seat belt.

"Yes well...okay....anyway what's your secret Mercyful?"Flaring asked her, Mercyful hesitated.

"Well.....Il ove Skulduggery Pleasant and resent Valkyrie Cain for making him fall in love with her......"It all came out in one great sentence. Flaring and Lythia stared not knowing what to say.

"But I thought you were a Valduggery advocate."Flaring said the first to recover.

"Yes but I love him too."Mercyful said sorrowfully and started to blush.

"Well at least that can be put on the 'Things to Tease Mercilessly About'. I'm soo happy Mademise made that list."Flaring said, Lythia agreed.

"Well whats your secret Lythia?"Mercyful said trying to get the attention away from herself.

"I'm planning to..."Lythia wasn't sure if she could tell them what she planned, and let them join her too."I'm planning to..."

To be continued.  
If issued twenty reviews on this exact chapter.......


	17. Fan Girl Rampage 2

here is a valduggery video i made on youtube look for MercyFul Fear

* * *

"Why are they still passing through here?"Skulduggery asked sitting against a dumpster.

"I don't know."Valkyrie shrugged sitting right beside him."I'm bored."

"Wow what a surprise that is."Skulduggery said putting his skul on the dumpster to look at Valkyrie.

"Nothing comes to a surprise to you and then some time after that you, yourself becomes really boring."Valkyrie pointed out.

"Funny."Skulduggery said as he watched her mimic his position then suddenly the group of girls stopped by the end of the alley.

"Mercyful where are they? I want to see Skulduggery already!"

"Shut up everyone, we have to keep looking okay. So lets split like a banana and run. Lythia Harpen and Flaring Rhythym go right. Basic-bookworm and Mademise Morte go left. Skulduggerys-Girl-Valkyrie and YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff go through that alley. JJ Dragon and TheBlueBottle go around this building. Nerdy Skeleton, Angel Nightfall and That creppy kid are in charge while I am gone because your staying here everyone else,Got it?"Mercyful said eating a piece of cheese.

Sitting behind the dumpster Skulduggery signals Valkyrie to climbed the fire escape up to the roof. Being a gentleman he let her go first, but when Skulduggerys-Girl-Valkyrie and YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff were getting closer he put her on his shoulders and climbed as quickly as he could.

"Hay let me down."Valkyrie whispered holding on to Skulduggery's hat. He dropped her onto the roof, getting a glare from her. She quickly pulled his feet from under him, but he landed ontop of her. And then there was silence. "Skulduggery umm I have to tell-"She was cut off by Skulduggery who leaned in and kissed her. Though he was a skeleton she felt his warm lips on hers. His lips were warm and sweet, but she was the one to open the barier of his lips, his passion didn't stop. The kiss became kisses and it was faster, deeper, wanting, and sweeter. His kisses became rough , she wanted so much to kiss him for so long. Her put his hands on her hips, and she rapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for more.

"I don't see them. Damn it their probably making out somewhere or you know..."YayForMagicDetectivesAndStuff said looking up at the dark sky wondering where the hell they were.


	18. MercyFul Remembers

Any who love you guys you make me filled loved and yes i am crazy well more deranged really and paranoid and obsessed okay crazy its not like i live in an insane asylum oh wait the entrance sigh says mental ward does that mean anything?? well some one please get me the lyrics to crushcrushcrush by paramore i beg of you and then if you do you get a magic talking pencil not crazy like stewart

* * *

"MercyFul...that's her name?"Kenspeckle asked.

"That's what she told us."Valkyrie said pocking the sleeping MercyFul, Skulduggery pulled on her arm signaling for her to stop.

"We have no idea who she is, she just some how ended up being escorted out of China's library by us. Valkyrie decided to make it rain indoors so it was more like we all got kicked out."Skulduggery said pointing all the blame clearly to Valkyrie. So she slapped him, he flinched and left her alone when she started to dig through MercyFul's things.

"She is a real goth I can tell you that much,"Valkyrie said pulling out a black chapstick and black pocket knife. Shadows swirled around the knife causing her to drop it."Whoa I think shes a necromancer."

"No shoes Sherlock."Skulduggery said picking up the knife.

"Well, she better not be some lune sent to kill you because I am not dealing with such things right now."Kenspeckle said before leaving the room.

"Do you think that's true?"Valkyrie asked.

"That Sherlock has no shoes?"Skulduggery asked in confusion, Valkyrie gave him a worried nod.

"That she was sent to kill us ."Valkyrie said staring at MercyFul.

"Maybe."Skulduggery said fixing his hat and folding up his sleeves, knife still in his hands. He was staring at it like a science project involving Fletcher and lipstick.

"**Maybe**...that is all the great detective has to say?"Valkyrie said now opening MercyFul's eyes as she slept.

"No...umm...she hasn't told us her last name."Skulduggery said not paying all attention to Valkyrie.

"Noo I thought she told us just a second ago....see she just said something."Valkyrie mocked taking a glance of Skulduggery.

"This is serious Valkyrie Cain."

"Yeah its so cereal its cheerios."

"Your odd."

"Your a ego jerk."

"Your a grumpy little girl."

"Well at least I'm not the magic skeleton detective. At least I have skin, yeah I went there."

"You are so-"

"Peanut butter!"Some one yelled.

"No I was going to say-wait....MercyFul your up, its sort of a really odd thing to say peanut butter when you first wake up in a strange place."He quickly put down her knife.

"Whoa!What happened, have you figured out who I am?"MercyFul said touching her head.

"Valkyrie over here only picked out a file full of pictures of you hanging around China's Library."Skulduggery said teasing Valkyrie on the bad detective work.

"That woman tried to kill me."MercyFul added remembering the evil stare she had given her once over spilling coffee on a book.

"She tries to kill everyone that annoys here."Valkyrie said. "Even her own brother."

"Well MercyFul I do have a question. You haven't given us your last name please do tell us so...we can help you of course."Skulduggery said slyly.

"Its Fear it matches my nercromancer magic."She covered her mouth."I just rememeberd that."


	19. Nutcases 4

No I can't tell them that I plan to shot everyone.

"I'm planning to set China's Library on fire."Lythia lied.

"That sounds great."Flaring screamed making a really sharp turn, MercyFul suddenly started to sing this song:

**Rain Dancer**

**Lost at heart,**

**broken faith,**

**and a twist of my fate. **

**Hold your breathe,**

**hold yourself still,**

**and close your eyes.**

**Back erect,**

**hands are flat,**

**thoughts then left.**

**When the soul of all life was in theft,**

**regret turned itself into neglect.**

"What are you singing?"Flaring asked sort of getting the tune stuck in her head, she shrugged.

"I just made it up. Oh goody we're here."MercyFul jumped out of the car, Lythia followed leaving her bag and dog inside, Flaring turned off the car and ran out.

"You got the peanut butter?"Flaring asked, MercyFul held out the tub of peanut butter and smiled.

They walked up to the door and Flaring signaled MercyFul to open it, and with great neatness broke into Fletcher's apartment. When they were in, the first few steps were taken together then everyone headed to different directions.

Lythia wanted to find his diary. She found it under his pillow.

Flaring wanted something to drink, peanut butter went well with milk. She found it in the fridge and helped herself to some cookies while she was at it. And she found some vodka to fit it perfectly.

MercyFul wanted to put peanut butter in his shampoo. So she emptied the bottle and poured in the peanut butter and for fun she put in some jelly and laughed.

After getting out, next was Tanith's house.

At Tanith's they drank all the vodka Flaring found and were more then wasted. Instead of the original gas to start the fire it was hair spray used as flame throwers. You could say the cloths weren't exactly prenoncable as cloths anymore.

And now Ghastly's place.

At Ghastly's they had trouble putting the things on the ceiling and decided to put everything on the walls instead.

Next Skulduggery's house.

There they found Skulduggery meditating so they dressed him like a princess, make up and all. Flaring wrote him a thank you note for the car on his head.

Finally it was Valkyrie's den.

There was no peanut butter or jelly left because of Lythia's dog. So they put some green dye in her shampoo and read her diary.

And after they toke a very horrible ride, everyone drunk. Then suddenly they found themselves crashing into Skulduggery's house. He woke up and only stared.

"MercyFul!Flaring!Lythia! What are you doing, you were never suppost to know about each other and look you ruined my car!"He was angry.

"We were just-"MercyFul broke into laughter, obviously drunk. "Skulduggery I need to say...that,"She hickuped,"I love you, your one hot skeleton."She walked closer to him. "Do you love me?Cuz if you don't Valkyrie wrote that she loves you."

"Hahhaha Fletcher has a crush-"Flaring said holding his diary and then passed out.

"I...was planning to hit all of you."Lythia pulled out her bag and opened it. Out came a bb gun."But I'm can't with this so I'm not, I rather go tick of China."She put the bb gun to her temple. "Why do you look like a piece of chalk Skulduggery?"Lythia said before throwing up. Skulduggery ,who by the way was still dressed as a princess, was ticked off.

Next Day....

"Hahahah-whoa I have a head ache."Flaring said."Hay Skulduggery don't chain me with Lythia, MercyFul **and **Fletcher. The dimwitt can't spell ass for his life."

"Ouwch!"Fletcher screamed as MercyFul slapped him, hard.

"You dumb ass Valkyrie will never like you, she likes some one else way hotter. Besides Lythia likes you, jerk. Not noticing her."

"No I don't!"Lythia blushed slapping MercyFul and causing everyone to fall.

"No this is your punishment. No get aways either MercyFul, I know you can pick a lock. This one is magic. Have a good day."And with that Skulduggery left Lythia, Flaring and MercyFul at Fletcher's house. They were stuck together for a month. Oh what sweet hell.


	20. Funeral Fever

**obviously this is for the funeral contest thingy so heres my funeral enjoy the orchads**

* * *

"Noo."Fletcher cried."He's dead."

"Shut up Fletcher I didn't expect you to be so emmotional and quite franckly its gay."Valkyrie said standing beside him, not really all too happy.

"No show some sympathy towards him Val. **He is gay.**"Tantih teased dully.

"You guys are evil. Have some respect at a funeral."Fletcher said tears running down his face.

"He is dead. And I was so mean to him the last day."Fletcher wailed, Tanith and Valkyrie setteled on some sadness. No one was laughing, for the first time Fletcher was being serious.

"I'm sorry Fletcher he was a good man."Ghastly said with a morbid tone. Valkyrie scoffed and nudged Tanith.

"I miss him already, I am sorry for making fun of you."Valkyrie began to cry and Tanith hugged her.

"I am too."Tanith broke done crying. Fletcher walked closer to the crying women and hugged them both.

"See he mattered even to me and you guys."He said a flower in his hand. He was dressed in black everyone else was too.

"What's going on you guys?"Some one asked and suddenly Tanith and Valkyrie started to laugh. Fletcher poutted.

"Jerks."He mumbled sadly.

"Just having a funeral Skulduggery."Valkyrie answered walking towards him. Skulduggery grunted.

"Who died?"Skulduggery asked.

"Poor poor Charles. I loved him so much...That combed was my best one, they don't make them like that anymore."Fletcher complained. "And Flaring broke it!"

* * *

**okay they always wear black and fletch is crazy about the hair so he had a funeral for his comb**


	21. Skulduggery Pleasant Convention

The Skulduggery Pleasant Convention

* * *

**Present time on ............**

Flaring Rythym:Hi MercyFul.

MercyFul Fear:Hi. Hay Flaring I got an idea. What if we make a grand Skulduggery Pleasant Convention?

Flaring Rythym:Well that sounds good, it'll be world wide. And all the Skulduggery Pleasant Series writers would be able to show their real selves......Heeheheh I just kicked Fletcher in the shins. Any way sure sounds great.

MercyFul Fear:Ya I got a raisin stuck in my pencil, got to go. Tell everyone.

Flaring Rythym: Okay, Flaring out with nachos.

MercyFul Fear: Okay, MercyFul out with leeches.

* * *

"Welcome everyone to the First Annual Skulduggery Pleasant Convention."The voice on the speakers yakked.

"Where all your Skulduggery Fanatics and Obsessers are."It continued.

I (pen name) MercyFul Fear looked beyond the crowds of fans and lines, soon they would go up stage and say who they are on . God forbode that their normal. But maybe they were. I sighed worried if I was the only goth chick fan of Skulduggery Pleasant.

"All writers please report to the stage."The speaker annonced, I sighed show time. There was a line of girls and some boys, when their names were called they would get up and show themselves.

"Flaring Rythym."The annoncer said. A girl with brown hair and jeans stood and went to the podium. "High everyone I'm Flaring Rythym, an exaggeration, no lunes."

"Lythia Harpen."The annoncer said. A girl with highlights stood and had neon colors on. "High everyone I'm Lythia Harpen, the true me not at all crazy."So far everyone one was normal, not crazy or anything. This sucked.

"Skulduggery Skellingtion, TheDeliquent9, JJDragon, Druna Malgood, Nerdy Skellington, That Creepy Kid...etc,"That list was long and everyone was normal there were no goths or paranoids at all.

"MercyFul Fear."It was my turn and I stood, everyone gasped. I looked exactly as described on Fan fiction. net . Curly brown hair, black everything and a Skulduggery Fan. I had a pocket full and purse full of pencils. "What's sup everyone I'm MercyFul Fear, the goth explained to be, not lieing about who I am. I am not crazy just obsessive, paranoid and a tinny luny."I walked off stage finally every one knew me. My friends on waved, they excepted me for who I am, and I was happy for that. Everyone applauded.


	22. The Torture Skill With Mademise Morte

"Guardian Angels don't have wings MercyFul Fear!" Madimise Morte crossed her arms and poutted.

"Do to Madimise Morte!"I stuck my toung out at Madimse stamping a foot on the ground.

"Do not and you know it!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, turning red on the process. And turned around to avoid all contact, then spotted the 9th grade teacher Mrs. Lopez.

"Girls what are you arguing about?" Her voice was thick and like liquid, almost choking me right then and there.

"Do angels have wings Mrs. Lopez?" Madimise asked sweetly changing her mood entirely.

"Well it depends-" She hesitated looking at me and Madimise.

"They don't have wings, the Bible says nothing about that." She interupted her from any further speech.

"They do too, my mama says so." MercyFul changed back quicker then a blink of an eye.

Burning like fire was the urge to slap Madimise's smug smile with a banana as Mrs. Lopez hesitated even more. She gave a worried smile and looked at me and Madimse. She was probably deciding weither to side with me or her, knowing well that what ever she chose to say if it was the wrong answer it would come back to haunt her. With a finger to her lips she opened her mouth to say some thing but stopped feeling guilty under the stare of the quirelling children.

"Mrs. Lopez we have a hand to hand fight over here with the Romer twins. We need all the back we got, they just finished thier karate lessons last weekend." Mrs. Lopez sighed without realizing it, saved by the walky talky.

"I have to get this girls." She put a hand over the walky talky at her waist ready to answer knowing well that this was an emergency. Anything with the Romer twins was an emergency. "But I bet Mr. Belivok knows the answer. Ask him." And with that Mrs. Lopez walked away clancking her heels on the cement gym floor.  
I looked up at Penelope's angel drawn from chalk on the wall, wings and a halo. I frowned that wasn't right one bit.

"See I'm right." Madimse said smugly.

"She didn't even say who was right stop being so high and rightous." I said matter-of-factly.

"Well then lets go ask Mr. Belivok." She made a break for the history teacher's room. Leaving chalk and drawings of angels on the wall, I stared after her solomnly wondering if she knew that he wasn't here today.

"Madimise he isn't here today!" I called after her, she stopped halfway through the door. She flushed red, and headed back to me looking down at the ground.  
"I knew that." I laughed, she walked toward me. There was no use in trying to prove yourself right with Madimise, she would always be in denial after she figures out that she was wrong.

"Wait where are you going?" Penelope asked sounding almost lonely. Then she was on my heels before I knew it.

"Leave me alone, you can be right if you want to." I afford not caring of what she might think about angels for the rest of her life. "I want to show you that I'm right." She complained.

"Madimise leave me alone."I said.

"Fine then let's just drop it and go torture Fletcher again by throwing knifes at him."Madimise said smiling.

"How about egg him and dye his hair puke green?"I said.

"Sure."We linked arms and went of toward Fletcher, he looked at us nervously and made a break for it.

"Our target is getting away!"I screamed and then tackeled him. Madimise smiled and I punched Fletcher out.


	23. The Doll

**everyone Flaring will be gone for awhile I forgot where to but she told me to tell you she will have more stories when she comes back.**

* * *

The Porcaline Doll

The doll had a smiling face, almost superficially more human then a doll. It had a black dress with white lace on the edges, and a dress hat. Her small shoes were polished to a shine, and her blond little curls mirrored pure light. I examined the doll's face further, her blue eyes held something sinister.

"You can have her for free if you like dear." I jumped partially from surprise but mostly from embarrassment. A 14 year old girl looking at a doll wasn't cool. I turned my head to see an old silver haired woman standing beside me, her smile like liquid not a smile at all. She was shorter then me by inches, she had green soft eyes, and a black dress identical to the doll's. With the doll in my hand I gave her an embarrassed smile.

"Why free?she has wonderful and exceptional detial." I said wondering why would this beautiful doll be given away like that.

"I've seen the look on your face when you found her, that be the look of a collector when they find something for their stash of do tell you, you be the first person to not to say 'it'. You said 'her',good thing that is." Her accent was something toward Irish and French, odd.

"Well thank you ma'am, much obliged."I touched the tip of my flat brimmed hat to say thank you and adjusted my pin-stripped suit.

"Your very welcome dear, just don't go and make trouble for yourself. Have a good day."I scrunched my face, wonder what she meant. I stared at the small doll and thumbed her rosy red cheeks. Then it accord to me that I never asked the woman for her name, it would be nice to remember her by a name.

"Wait ma'am, you never told me your name. My name's Val-Stephanie."I yelled watching her go into the back of the anitque shop.

"Well Stephanie ,my name is Evangeline."I heard her say it, but it was more of a whisper that came from all around me. The hair on the back of my neck stood up on end, something seemed out of the ordinary. The sky darkened and clouds got angry, expressing itself with thunderous lightning. When I walked out of the shop, I climbed on my bike worrying about getting the doll wet;nothing came to mind about my own safety as I rode without a helmet. Suddenly my cell phone rang and I nearly fell off my bike trying to reach it.  
"What?!"

"Well I guess I called you at a wrong time." The smooth, velvet voice said.

"I'm going home in the rain ,am I supposed to be happy?"I scowled.

"You could have called and I would have given you a ride."He said sympathetically.

"Being dropped off at home by a suspicious expensive car wouldn't sound really all to good with my parents. What would I tell them? 'Oh yeah mom I was caught in the rain and my skeleton wizard detective friend gave me a ride and oh did I mention he's 400 years old.'" The other end grunted.

"Well sorry Miss Cain-Sunshine-Dearest, I guess I'll take that as no ride."He sounded hurt.

"Wait! Are you a moron? Of course I need a ride, you can't just leave me like this!"A chuckle could be heard from the other end.

"Okay where are you?"He asked.

"Ten miles east from my house."I said sheepishly.

"How did you that far?"He asked.

"My bike, boredom and brussel sprouts. Don't ask it was MercyFul's, Madimise's, Lythia's, and Flaring's idea. I bloody can't find them, I lost them about a few miles ago; they had the car."I said remembering some what that they were laughing about doing something earlier that day. It was after all April Fools.

"Yeah, no questions asked I'm on my way."He said amused.

"Wait what were you going to tell me?"I asked.

"Nothing."He said quickly.

"It wouldn't be nothing if you called to tell me, so spit it out."I argued.

"I don't have any saliava glands."He said mocking his own fleshless body.

"No duh, now tell me."I said trying to get it out of him.

"I had nothing to say; can't a friend call a friend to see how their doing?"He asked pathetically.

"If you don't tell-.... fine I'll let it go. Just pick me up already."I said standing under a tree.

"Okay bye."He said.

"Bye Skulduggery see you soon."I answered back holding the doll in my jacket. I leaned my bike on the tree and stood there trying to stay dry.


	24. Jobs Are For No One

**Yes I asked Derek Landy weither or not he was a peanut butter advocate and yes I explained, also warning him if he chose the wrong one I would send Stewart to after a lot of messages, he said peanut butter. HEHEhe on my side, well actually I am a double agent. And I have some requests: Name your chapters, I am begging!**  
**read or Stewart kills you!**  
**review or Stewart kills you!**  
**REVIEW or Stewart kills you!**  
**what else?....UPDATE or Stewart kills you!**  
**and...BE HAPPY DAMN YOU!**  
**yes and...GIVE ME IDEAS WHEN I AM IN WRITER'S BLOCK!(WHICH I AM IN RIGHT NOW)**  
**And well that's it, please oblige!**

_Sincerely,_  
_MercyFul Fear_

* * *

MercyFul Fear sat leaning against Lythia Harpen's door, nothing to do because alas she wasn't there. Mademise Morte was across the world, Derek Landy simple refused to say weither or not he was a peanut butter advocate, and 'The Nightmare on Elm Street' movie wasn't out yet. Flaring Rythym was playing hide and beat with all the Valduggery fans on Fanfiction, Fletcher Renn was with of course Lythia doing who knew what, and Tanith Low and Ghastly Bespoke were out on a date which she was forbidden to come along. Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant were on a case, Kenspeckle was in a magick doctor's convention, and Basic-bookworm was busy with asking for updates from her. China Sorrows was trying to get her brother back, the Texas guy was in jail, Crux was probably being slapped by Valkyrie and Skully. Artimes Fowl was busy helping the world, Holly Short was helping him, Butler was protecting them and Juliet was in a fight right now. Rosemarie Hathway was making out with Dimitri Belivok, and Lissa and ..... Well you get the sighed and suddenly smiled, "I'll get a job."Then she frowned, it didn't sound as awesome as it did in her mind. She stood and decided to go with it any way. She felt cheery and began to sing a song from Mister Roger's Neighborhood.

"It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,  
A beautiful day for a neighbor.  
Would you be mine?  
Could you be mine?...

It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,  
A neighborly day for a beauty.  
Would you be mine?  
Could you be mine?...

I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.  
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.  
Since we're together we might as well say:  
Would you be mine?  
Could you be mine?  
Won't you be my neighbor?  
Won't you please,  
Won't you please?  
Please won't you be my neighbor?"

* * *

"Oh come on Mr. Griffin! I am not going to...too...bag her groceries, she has hands and can do it herself."MercyFul Fear said throwing her hands around and pointing to the elderly woman behind her.

"MercyFul that's why you have the job, you help people and then you get paid."Mr. Griffin yelled at MercyFul.

"But I don't want to help, can't you just pay me and not have me do any helping things? Quite franckly I hate talking to..."MercyFul started to lower her voice, which you would rarely ever hear.

"People?"Mr. Griffin asked.

"No! Normal people, it freaks me out."MercyFul responded, whispering so the elderly woman wouldn't hear.

"You know MercyFul thats the last straw!-"Mr. Griffin said about to fire her.

"I thought Alfredo Nacho dude was suppost to be stocking shelves, see I am not the only one not helping. He isn't restocking the straws!"MercyFul said stalking toward a guy putting things in the shelves."Arlando Nickers you are a horrible worker!"She said to him and pushing the worker off the ladder.

"MercyFul Fear your fired!"Mr. Griffin said helping Alex Neon up. MercyFul walked up to him and looked at him defiantly.

"Yesterday did it not me!"And with that she slapped him, and made a break for it.

* * *

"Monsters Inc. may I take a message?"MercyFul Fear said talking behind her new desk.

"MercyFul Fear?"Lythia Hapren asked on the other end.

"Lythia darling!...Why are you calling Monsters Inc.?"MercyFul said now into the conversation.

"The question is :Why are you working for them?"Lythia asked stumping MercyFul.

"I decided to get a job, so far I have had 1and it was at a super market. I got fired on the first day."MercyFul said into the phone.

"Well sounds bad. Why the sudden responcability?"Lythia asked.

"No one was home to play 'I scream for ice cream'."MercyFul said sounding dissapionted.

"Well we were all busy as you could tell."Lythia said making MercyFul sigh.

"Miss Fear!" Mike Sullivan screamed his one eye out.

"Yes Mr. Sullivan?"MercyFul said hanging the phone up.

"Why are there 12045 calls on hold?!"Her green,round boss asked.

"I wanted the record for the most angery people at one person, so far I am getting there."She replied with all smiles.

"Miss Fear I thought you had experience with monsters."He said tapping his claws on her blue desk.

"I do, I have helped capture a dozen and worked with the most famouse Sherlock Holmes, Skulduggery Pleasant and Artemis Fowl."She said proudly, her boss gasped.

"We are not looking for bounty hunters Miss Fear, so I do hope you leave with out a body in your lunch bag."He said starting to leave.

"Leave? Where am I going?"She asked wondering how he knew that there was a baby of his in her lunch box. The baby wasn't dead just taking a nap.

"Your fired Miss Fear."He said plainly.

"Well if you want your son Felix he's in my lunch box."She said leaving without another word, dumping his son out of her Batman lunch box.


	25. Letter of No More MF

Dear People that care,

MercyFul Fear will quite the site if the reviews wont go up. You need alot of begging and such. Mind you I am serious. And you know who you are when I say Love Ya'll. (I am texan and deserve the right to have accent.) And if you do not update I will kill myself with Skulduggery's revolver. So if you love my stories you will come up with reviews or else.

Sincerely,

_**MercyFul Fear ;)**_


	26. Yesterday did it!

**(I have decided to stay, thanks to all that reviewed. But I have given over 400 reviews and have less then 100 make those up now. And I live with Skully because I want to live in Ireland not God damn Texas. Pardon the language.S is skully, MM is is my twin. And M is me.)**

"Can I glue the cat to the ceiling?"MercyFul Fear asked Skulduggery Pleasant.

"No absolutely n- where did you get the cat?"Skulduggery asked.

"Outside stupid."She said innocently petting her black cat.

"Well put it back."S

"She is not an it."M

"Put her back."S

"Her name is not her its Madeline."M

"Well put Madeline back."S

"No."M

"Please."S

"Never."M

"Mercy please put Madeline back."S

"N-O. No."M

"MercyFul Fear put the damn cat back!"S

"Jerk."M

"Mercy please I beg of you."S

"What are you going to do? Bite me?"M

"Be a good girl and I'll give you peanut butter and maybe a hug." then Flash she was out and then came back empty handed.

"Here's your peanut butter,"He hugged her."now be good while I go on a case with Valkyrie. Promise to be good."

"Mhmhm."MercyFul said eating the peanut butter with her hands.

3 hours later...

"MercyFul I'm home."There was silence. "Mercy where are you?"Still nothing as he walked into the kitchen."I see you ate all the peanut butter."He said looking into the pantry.

MEOW.

"What the world was that?"Skulduggery said looking up to the ceiling and wouldn't you know there was a black cat up there.

"Yesterday did it."MercyFul said from the hall going to her room.

1 day later...

"Your grounded."Skulduggery said to MercyFul.

"Well can I at least teach toddlers how to swim though I don't know?"MercyFul asked innocently.

"God no Mercy."S

"Well then don't ground me. What are you going to ground me from...T.V.?"M

"Nope. You stole all the peanut butter in the state of Texas your staying grounded."S

"Pfft then what are you grounding me from again?"M

"No books, peanut butter or music for 3 months."S

"What? No please Skully you can't do that to me I beg of you."M

"No."With that he left slamming the door with 67 different locks on it,behind himself. Hoping the bared windows would help too.

3 hours later...

Skulduggery was in his living room reading when Mademise Morte burst through the front door.

"Where's my twin?"MM

"Grounded."S

"From what...T.V.?"MM

"No books, peanut butter or music for 3 months." S. Slap. His skull fell off.

"Your evil you know she can't live with out those."MM

"Not my fault."S

"Jerk.*#!^%&."She said stomping out. Then he picked up his skull and put it on, and then his phone rang, showing him a text message from MercyFul. It read:

Let me out :(

No ;) He replied.

Jerk *#!^%& She sent back.

After he laughed, they are twins.

3 weeks later...

Crash. Skulduggery watched as his precious car made a whole where the front door used to be. There was no one in the driver's seat. MercyFul walked in through the whole, hands in her pocket.

"Close your mouth before I decide to pull off your jaw."M

"MercyFul what did you do?"S

"Uhh...Yesterday did it."She said going to her room.

1 week later...

"MercyFul who is this so called person you keep blaming things on?"S

"Yesterday?"M

"Yes, yes. It isn't healthy to blame things on made up people."S

"But she is real."M

"I saw you do all those things Mercy."S

"No she did, because she is me but isn't."M

"What? Expalin that."S

"She is me but isn't."M

"Clearify."S

"She is my reflection, so she is me but is not."M

"So she did those things? And she needs to be grounded?"S

"Thank you. You finally understand."M

"No its you who I ground."S

"Its her not me."M

"No its her but you."S

"No its her."M

"No its her that's you."S

"No its her."M

"No its her not you."S

"Exactly."M

"Ugh."S


	27. Gucci Mane Distractions

(I warn you the song has bad words, not me but Gucci Mane did it.)

"I do not!"

"You do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"Flaring Rythym yelled trying to win the argument with MercyFul Fear. (Not likely!)

"I do not want to make out with Skulduggery!"MercyFul screamed turning red.

"You do too! You know you want too so bad!"

"Mademise please super glue her to the chair."MercyFul said looking for hope in ,Mademise Morte, her twin.

"Not going to help you in this one."Mademise said flatly and sighed.

"yeah  
its Gucci,  
whats up baby,  
Yellow errthing this time, you know what im talkin bout  
Yellow rims, Yellow, big booty, yellowbones  
Yellow lambs, Yellow MP's  
Yellow watch, Yellow charm ring, chain  
Yellow livin room set, Lemonade gucci shoes for my girl  
GUCCI

Verse (1)  
My phantom sittin on sixes, no 20's in my gun  
Your cutlass motor knockin, because it is a lemon  
My rifle's Georgia-peaches, but you look more like a lemon  
These sour apple bitter bitches, im not fuckin with em  
Im truly stupid paid thats just how I feel today,  
Im movin slow cause codeine syrup's in my lemonade  
Im standing in the shade and im sellin lemonade  
600 a pint ago and raise off in the "A"  
Lemonade diamond bracelet, put it in ur face (BURR)  
Lemonhead diamond earrings I wore yesterday (BURR)  
Im pimpin where im winnon, thats just how im chillon  
Im smokin grits and sellin chickens, corvette painted lemons  
GUCCI!!!  
[Chorus]  
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts  
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts  
Livin out of shame with my feet up  
Livin out of shame with my feet up  
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup  
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup  
Lemons on my face watch em freeze up  
Lemons on my face watch em freeze up

Verse (2)  
I got lemonade and lemon teeth  
Lemons watch me mix the shit  
Lemonade complexion, east-australian girl be killin me  
She say i be killin her, i say i be feelin it  
Four days then im sick of her, cause her brain is lemonhead  
Cocaine white exterior, Interior Lemonade  
Yellow wit da off-white trimmin  
I call that da super drank  
Yellow diamond pinky ring  
Call that dere da lemon rock  
Jewelry box a lemon bin, my earring size a apricot  
Yeah i smoke that strong alot, yeah i need some of what you got  
Half a pound of lemon kush, call that pack the lemon drop  
Canary yellow lemon watch, big bird yellow top  
Yellow Polo, Polo, slippers white and yellow polo socks  
Gucci Mane be pumpin dawg, he dont got all he say he got  
Just stash one Lemon homie, i can supply them the 50 glocks  
Yellow boat parked at the dock,Yellowbone gon' make it drop  
Flip da flop mine up the top, then go buy me a yellow yacht

[Chorus]  
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts  
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts  
Livin out of shame with my feet up  
Livin out of shame with my feet up  
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup  
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup  
Lemons on my face watch em freeze up  
Lemons on my face watch em freeze up

Verse (3)  
Lemonade my town, said miami i want yellow carpet  
Woke up in the mornin, fuckin bought a yellow aston martin  
Yellow bricks, yellow dust, yellow light, yellow tusk  
yellow piss, spinnin whips, yellow weed  
weed up wit us  
coward ass niga, yellow stripe, you a yellowback  
A-k hit your dog, and u cant bring Old Yeller back  
Yep, gucci bang up eighty-thousand dats a yellow safe  
yellow homes, mellow homes, you know u a scary-cat  
no sleep for two days, so my peoples lift me up  
five flights, six shows, quarter-million on my schedule  
Bangledesh and Gucci Mane, niggas know they in trouble  
green ice, red light, caution Gucci rock yellow

[Chorus]  
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts  
Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts  
Livin out of shame with my feet up  
Livin out of shame with my feet up  
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup  
Lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup  
Lemons on my face watch em freeze up  
Lemons on my face watch em freeze up  
End"MercyFul said trying to lose the focus of attention.

"The fuck. Why did you just sing the whole song of Lemonade by Gucci Mane? I say you still want to kiss Skulduggery."Flaring said just when Skulduggery Pleasant walked in.

"Who wants to-kiss me?"Skulduggery said only having heard half of what Flaring said.

"(Chorus)  
Rockstar, lifestyle, might don't make it.  
Livin' life, everything clique wasted.  
sippin' on purple stuff, rollin' up stankin'.  
wake up in the mornin' 10 o'clock drankin'.  
party, party, party, let's all get wasted.  
shake it for me baby girl, do it butt naked,  
i'm so wasted, she so wasted.  
tell the bartender, send 20 mo cases.

(Verse 1 - Gucci)  
Lookin' like Whitney.  
Geekin like Brittany.  
Gucci no hippie, but she stoned like jimmie.  
x-pill poppers, geeked up crazy.  
whole click rollin, everyones wasted.  
purple codiene, sprite pink, don't waste it.  
mix up grandma drink it didnt taste it.  
now grandma sippin syrup, leanin wasted.  
walkin round fucked up twisting her fingas.  
homegirl slipped up, drunk, got wasted.  
now she backstage and she tryin to get famous.  
see me, im a drinkie, drinkin, gucci mane shake it.  
club life, damn right, gucci mane wasted. Chorus  
rock star, lifestyle, might dont make it  
living life high everyday clique wasted  
sippin on purple stuff, rollin up stankin  
wake in the morning, 10 o'clock drinkin  
party, party, party, lets all get wasted  
shake it for me baby girl do it butt-naked  
im so wasted, she so wasted  
tell the bartender send me 20 mo cases

(Chorus)  
Rockstar, lifestyle, might don't make it.  
Livin' life, everything clique wasted.  
sippin' on purple stuff, rollin' up stankin'.  
wake up in the mornin' 10 o'clock drankin'.  
party, party, party, let's all get wasted.  
shake it for me baby girl, do it butt naked,  
i'm so wasted, she so wasted.  
tell the bartender, send 20 mo cases.

(verse 2 plies)  
i dont wear tight jeans like the white boys.  
but i do get wasted like the white boys.  
now im lookin for a bitch to suck this almond joy.  
say she got to stop suckin cuz her jaws sore.  
got a bitch on the couch, bitch on tha floor.  
ya partna jus popped another one now he rollin more.  
was on 3 pills, now he on 4 .  
i dont why but that remy turn me into a whore.  
walked in tha club pocket full of big faces .  
got that 40 on my waist and its off safety.  
bout 40 goons with me and we all wasted.  
on remy straight tonite dog no chaser.

(Chorus)  
rock star, lifestyle, might dont make it  
living life high everyday clique wasted  
sippin on purple stuff, rollin up stankin  
wake in the morning, 10 o'clock drinkin  
party, party, party, lets all get wasted  
shake it for me baby girl do it butt-naked  
im so wasted, she so wasted  
tell the bartender send me 20 mo cases

(Verse 3 Gucci)  
whole click faded.  
we geeked up crazy.  
big boy bracklets.  
we white boy wasted.  
no shirts, fuck it .  
our necks and arms are tatted.  
we sloppy drunk, disgusted .  
the liquor keep wastin .  
2-8-5 east-side me and plies wasted, racing.  
chevy beatin, booty butt chasin .  
spring bling, 50 thousand white girls shakin.  
sum dancin naked .  
but everyones wasted.  
magic city monday, ball playin wasted  
sick of tha other drink, throwed a bird, waste it.  
12 pack wasted .  
i need more cases.  
and gucci's not a racist.  
all my dimes is caucasian.

(Chorus)  
rock star, lifestyle, might dont make it  
living life high everyday clique wasted  
sippin on purple stuff, rollin up stankin  
wake in the morning, 10 o'clock drinkin  
party, party, party, lets all get wasted  
shake it for me baby girl do it butt-naked  
im so wasted, she so wasted  
tell the bartender send me 20 mo cases

this is GPSA, ghetto public service announcement  
we dont get fucked up no mo  
we get wasted  
WASTED  
(gucci mane. plies)  
HAHAHAHAHA !"MercyFul sang red the whole time.

"MercyFul does."Mademise said running out the room with Flaring. Awkward.

"Was that Wasted by Gucci Mane?"Skulduggery asked.

"Sooo..."MercyFul said."How have yo-"Then she took a hasty run for it. Leaving the confused skeleton behind.

"Inside joke Skully."MercyFul shouted.


	28. QUARTERS AND DRIERS

"Fletch here's a quarter and spend it wisely it depend on your life or just your well being for a short time."MercyFul Fear said handing Fletcher Renn a quarter.

"What is there to do with only one quarter?"Fletcher said throwing the spare changer away.

"Your loose Fletch."She said putting a quarter into a washer, hints are that they are in a washateria.(Duh!)Fletcher sat ontop of a folding table eatng as ussual.

"Stop munching like a cow!"Mademise Morter screamed throwing soap at Fletcher.

"Hey, its how I eat."He said munching even louder.

"Moron."Mademise and MercyFul said at the same time.

"You guys are so weird."Fletcher said still munching.(Gosh he is annoying, sorry Lythia Harpen.)

"Thank you."Mademise and MercyFul said at the same time again.

"Uuhhh! Wait-normal people, so so boring to me."He tried.

"What?"They yelled again at the same time. MercyFul threw pants, Mademise threw a chicken. (No I don't know where she got it from.)

"Nope, I said nothing."He said still doing what they told him not to and MercyFul suddenly turned to each other.

"Your thinking what I'm thanking?"Mademise

"Does it involve quarters-"MercyFul

"And driers."Mademise

"Yes, mmm...yes. After all that is the name of this chapter."MercyFul

"Indeed."Mademise.

"What are you guys talking about?"Fletcher said sounding nervous, still eating loudly.

"La Roux."Mademise

"Bulletproof. It's a really cool song."MercyFul

"Hey is Fletcher bullet proof?"Mademise

"I don't know."MercyFul

"Let's go-"Mademise

"Wait this first."MercyFul

"Oh yes."Mademise

"Umm..."Fletcher looked as if he was about to teleport, of course he was these girls were crazy.

"You know if you teleport, we'll just find you."Mademise

"Because your thinking of going to Egypt-"MercyFul

"Then New York-"Mademise

"And California, and then-"MercyFul

"To Skull's House-"Mademise

"Then-"MercyFul

"Okay!I wont."Fletcher said putting his hands up in surrender.

"You're a liar. Your still thinking about it."Mademise

"Liars get turned on fire."MercyFul said conjuring a fire ball.

"I'm not a liar."Fletcher

"I'll believe that...for now."MercyFul said grabbing his arms.

"Let me go please!"Fletcher said as Mademise opened the door to the drier. They shoved him in.

"A quarter for your freedom."MercyFul said as Mademise went to put something to put infront of the door.

"I don't have a quarter."Fletcher

"Well then you should have kept the quarter then."MercyFul

"No no you can't leave me here."Fletcher

"We can."Mademise said putting an elephant infront of the door. (Nope I don't know where she got that either.)


	29. 101 dOGS aND 1 sKELETON

"Skulduggery we are lost."Valkyrie Cain complained.

"We are most definetly not lost."Skulduggery Pleasant said stubbornly.

"We are too, now stop and ask for directions."Valkyrie said getting impatient.

"We are perfectly fine."

"What is it with men and asking directions?"

"No."

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes?"

"Pull over!"

"No."

"Now!"

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"You don't over power me."Skulduggery said as Valkyrie jumped into his lap and pushed the breaks herself.

"Ow! You stepped on my foot!"

"You didn't stop."

"Because you didn't ask."

"Yeah but I told you."

"Meany."

"Moron."

"Evil."

"Jerk."

"Stewart."MercyFul Fear said popping out of the back seat.

"Cheese."Mademise Morte said popping out beside her twin.

"Skeleton."MercyFul said pionting to Skulduggery.

"Magic."Mademise said pionting to the fireballs in both their hands. MercyFul and Mademise wiggleled their eyebrows as they saw Valkyrie was sitting in Skulduggery's lap.

wILL bE cONTINUED iF rEVIEWED tEN tIMES...


	30. Things to Do When Bored At Wal Mart List

castigate-to punish or critize severly

Things to do at Wal-Mart while the person that dragged you there is taking their sweet time:  
1.) Get 24 boxes of condomns and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.  
2.) Go to the service desk and ask to put a bag of M & M's on lay away.  
3.) Set up a tent in the camping department.  
4.) When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"  
5.) Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror to pick your nose.  
6.) While handeling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.  
7.) Dart around the store loudly humming the mission impossible theme song.  
8.) Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME!"  
9.) When an announcement comes on the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO NO! It's those voices again!"  
10.) Go into the fitting room, shut the door and wait a while then yell very loudly, "There's no tiolet paper in here!" 


	31. MercyFul Fear's Questionable Past

"To understand our world is to observe everything you can,without disturbing its natural clear view of itself and order. Because without order there is no world and with no world there is nothing."MercyFul Fear said, making everyone's jaw dropped.

"That may be the smartest thing you have ever said."Skulduggery Pleasant said in a mocking tone, hanging from the ceiling. He was upside down, using air to keep himself up.

"So when I said Stewart likes cheese ever since he got cheated on that wasn't smart?"MercyFul said hanging upside down on the ceiling's beam.

"When you said Juliet Stewart's girlfriend was cheating on him with Alexander that was normal...ish, and then suddenly you said that he liked cheese ever since. It wasn't really smart. It was more really normal for...you."Valkyrie Cain said right beside MercyFul.

"Uh guys she is smart, just like me. She just doesn't want the CAI after her, okay?"Mademise Morte said hanging on the other side of the three.

"Yes, yes...I believe I can fly, I'm on the most wanted list for CAI. I don't even know why, because the only thing I ever did was break into Starbucks for free WiFi."MercyFul sang.

"What's CAI?"Tanith Low asked standing on the roof, upside down.

"Crime Agency for the Intellegent."Stewart Von Hun said out of no where. MercyFul shock her head, and pulled out her pencil.

"I used to be an agent, until I quit for...personal reasons."MercyFul said petting her pencil, Stewart.

"What else don't we know about you?"Ghastly Bespoke said walking into the room with snacks.

"If I tell you, then I'd have to kill you."MercyFul said jumping down to the ground, everyone followed."Peanut butter committe rules."She yelled before sticking a celery full of peanut butter into her mouth.

"No. Jelly."Tanith and Valkyrie said at the same time.

" butter."Mademise said in a deadly voice.

"Nope its jelly...wait peanut butter...ok no I lied jelly...no I decided peanut butter..no I-"MercyFul said starting to get under pressure.

"Forget about it Mercy just eat your snack."Mademise said, patting her twin on the back.

"OMW!I forgot to invite some people..."MercyFul said suddenly,dramatically pushing a small orange button on her cell phone."There they are coming."

"That can't be po-"Tantih started to say when she heard a knock on the door.

"Yay party."Flaring Rythym said suddenly blowing up the door. Shakra Flame and Druna Malgood behind her. Then a confused Fletcher walked in through the hole in the wall.

"Why didn't you just let them open the door, or wait until I teleported us into the building."Fletcher Renn said tripping on a piece of blown up door.

"Hahahahhaha."MercyFul began to laugh so hard, she was red. Everyone else did too.

"That's not funny."Fletcher said pouting, then Lythia Harpen came in giving him a hug. And he gave her a kiss, and well then you know what happens when that happens.

"Get a room."Crystal Rosen said getting through the door.

"You know Valkyrie and Skully will need one tonight."Mademise said pionting to the making out couple.

"Scoff...Ehem! Scoff! Scoffity scoff!"MercyFul started to really cough. They looked up sheepishly and ran out the door.

"Stewart?"A girl's voice said no one knew where it came from.

"Oh its Claire. Stewart's new girl."MercyFul said sticking Stewart and a pink eraser into her pocket.

"I'm bored,"Mademise said suddenly, everyone stared and nodded their heads.

"Let's go torture Derek Landy, we must own his soul."Flaring said, everyone nodded.

"Yeah, yay!"Everyone said, bounding out the door towards Derek Landy's house with tomatoes,oranges and peanut butter. MercyFul with an army of pencil's.


	32. Happy Bday Flaring Rythym

Happy Birthday Flaring! I am sorry I am late! Free clones of Stewart all around!


	33. Random Stories In a Box

MercyFul Fear went to a garage sale down the street and found an awesome lava lamp. She bought it though it was in need of some cleaning. When she brought it home she cleaned it.

"Hello. I am the Genie of The Lava Lamp. You are granted 3 wishes."MercyFul looked around, saw nothing and kept cleaning.

"Down here. Hello. I am the Genie of-"

"Yeah, yeah. I get the point."

"So what is your wish?"

"An army of killer pencil's that can talk."The genie clicked his fingers, and...POOOOF it was done.

"What else?"

"The power to read people's minds."Another click of his fingers, and...POOOOFery it was done.

"Next?"

"More wishes."

"That's against the rules, I can't do that."

"Okay, fine...the power to grant and make wishes come true."

"You can't-"

"Who said? It's not in the rule book."MercyFul said handing the genie rule book to the genie. He looked through frantically.

"But you can't-"

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Prove it..."

"Umm..."

"Thought so." And the genie clicked his fingers, and...POOOFidooda day it was done.

And people around the world lived happy, cheeses and forever peanut butter after.

"Mademise we are lunatics don't let any one tell you other wise."MercyFul Fear explained.

"I don't know...I've been told other wise already. Are you sure?"Mademise Morte sniffed.

"Everyone says so when I yell 'Skulduggery Pleasant loves Valkyrie Cain' at the mall."

"Proof. We must prove we are lunatics."Mademise said bounding off.

"Way ahead of you."MercyFul said running on the wall of the building next to them.

MercyFul Fear for the whole day pertended to be a pigeon of doom. Mademise Morte helped Flaring Rythym sell parts of Derek Landy's soul only to Valduggery Advocates. The next day MercyFul asked random people for her pet snake that she lost. Mademise stared at a brick in her lap.

"Your crazy lunatics."An old woman yelled at both of them.

"We are lunatics!"MercyFul screamed dropping out of a tree.

"Yay!"Mademise said standing on her head.

"Happy happy happy B-day Flaring! Your 3 and old enough to play with legos! I got you some. Oh here's you B-day song: Potatoes potatoes and sour cream, don't get your fries of Dairy Queen! Tomatoes tomatoes and cheery pie, all McDonald's wants for you is to die! Happy B-day your three and I'll let you borrow Stewart for free! Now go harras Skulduggery and more pennies!"MercyFul screamed and sang.

"Thank you so much... It was beautiful..."Flaring Rythym said crying and holding her present, Stewart.

"Now for cake..."MercyFul said as the cake stuck on the ceiling fell.

"This is the best B-day ever."

"Your lieing!"Mademise Morte said for no apparent reason.

"No, a carrot lies, its orange but it is most definetly not an orange."MercyFul Fear explained to her twin.

"True, true."

"I'm bored."

"Duh, that's why we are playing checkers."

Just then Tanith Low walked in.

"Hey you guys, what you-"She stopped,just seeing them hanging from the ceiling. The room flooded with peanut butter and chocolate, whipped cream on a shaved cat that was glued to the ceiling beside them. Skulduggery tied up with Valkyrie in a corner and checkers glued to everything.

"What are you guys doing?"She asked catching her breath.

"Checkers!"They screamed together, throwing checker pieces at her.

MercyFul Fear: So you got my message?

Ahbeekidd: Yes! :D

MercyFul Fear: Yay!

Ahbeekidd: XD...I'm hungry :(

MercyFul Fear: Me too! XD But I have to stay after school for drama club with out food.

Ahbeekidd: OMW! Me 2! XD But Oooh well. My old BFF is coming (;

MercyFul Fear: Oh well happy day for you! (sigh) I'm done with this project & bored.

Ahbeekidd: Seriously? :|

MercyFul Fear: Yes! Duh! Why do you think I reply so much?

Ahbeekidd: LOL...True, true.

MercyFul Fear: Wanna read a joke?

Ahbeekidd: Yessir. (;

MercyFul Fear: Haha, okay. Why doesn't the skeleton cross the road? ;)

Ahbeekidd: H's DEAD.

MercyFul Fear: Aw...how'd you know? Wait that's not it : He doesn't have the guts...XD

Ahbeekidd: Lmaoo. Never heard that one. Why did the orange go blind? (:

MercyFul Fear: Why?

Ahbeekidd: Because it was running low on vitamin C/see! :D

MercyFul Fear: Hahaha! OMW! Funny! I got one! What's evil, purple, & carries a chainsaw in your nightmares?

Ahbeekidd: Barney D

MercyFul Fear: How did you know? XD No fair, what jokes don't you know?

Ahbeekidd: Alot...

MercyFul Fear: Haha I got one...What's killer, yellow and sells burgers?

Ahbeekidd: SPONGEBOB! :D

MercyFul Fear: Nope! Ronald McDonald. XD Got ya!

Ahbeekidd: Oh man D:

MercyFul Fear: He's really scary in some kind of way. Anyway, what's lazy, talks alot about other people & wishes to be famous? ;) HEHHEHEH you wont get it!

Ahbeekidd: I dunno...

MercyFul Fear: Miley Cyrus Hehe XD

Ahbeekidd: LOL. That's true. (:

MercyFul Fear: HEHHE

Ahbeekidd: I don't know anymore jokes...Just racist ones...

MercyFul Fear: Hmm...jokes are jokes not meant to offend anyone...Tell me one...

Ahbeekidd: Alright (: There are two men; one white, one black. They're going to race down a tunnel. Who will win?

MercyFul Fear: Who?

Ahbeekidd: The white one; the black one had to stop to write graffiti on the wall...

MercyFul Fear: That's steroetyping... but funny...

Ahbeekidd: IKR

MercyFul Fear: I'll leave you alone now, you gotta finish.

Ahbeekidd: LOL Fine. :) I bid thee adieu...  



	34. Kicking and Screaming

I am sorry I haven't update...so here is a treat!

"AAAAHHHhHHHHH!"MercyFul Fear screamed in the library of China Sorrows, everyone was looking at her.  
"What is you problem?"China Sorrows herself asked, MercyFul Fear saw her and threw a book at her.  
"AaaaaaAAAHhhhhHHH!"She screamed going for the door. China starred after her wondering. 'What the hey, is there a Skulduggery Movie or something?' Outside of the library, MercyFul was running around in circles screaming, hands over her head. Skulduggery Pleasant just happened to be walking by, whisteling. (I don't know how.) "Ssssskkkkullllllyyyy!"She screamed, running towards him. He stood there, not knowing what was happening. She ran into him, nocking them both over.  
"What's wrong this time?"He asked, trying to pry her off. His hat a yard away, and dirt on his coat. She starred at him for a moment and then started to cry. "Awww, what's wrong?"He asked sweetly this time, seeing her cry would make you cry. She stopped for a moment and her lip quvering, he could almost cry at the sight. "AAaaAhHHhhHH!"She screamed, jumping off of him and running off. He stood, dusting himself off and got his hat. After that he started to run after the lunatic.  
"What's wrong with her?"He asked himself. He shrugged to no one in particular, wondering. 'What the hey, is there a movie of me or something?' He followed her off towards Valkyrie's house. MercyFul broke into Valkyrie Cain's house, crying all the while.  
"VVVaaLLL!"She screamed, running into Valkyrie's open arms.  
"What's wrong, Mercy?"She asked, MercyFul whauled and sniffeld, crying alot.  
"No se que haga el esqueleto e usted para cada unos amor!"MercyFul yelled, Valkyrie looked extremely confused.  
"La amor nina! Que pasa con usted? Iyayi!"

I am sorry that I can't finish this now...but I will if you review...l8tr...


	35. To Do List For Fun

And all over the world Valduggery advocates joined the search for Skulduggery's skull...

Hey fellow Fanfiction Freaks...I miss you guys...sorry for the uhhh...delay...

List of things to do:

1. Eat peanut butter

2. Slap Fletcher

3. Slap Fletcher again

4. Toture Skulduggery and Val

5. Cry over the lack of reviews

6. "Borrow" Skuldugger's car

7. Ask Stewart to torture Crystal Rosen

8. Thank every person who has reviewed more then 5 times

9. Say I love your work to every person on my fav author list

10. Slap Fletcher

11. Eat peanut butter

12. Ask if Skulduggery is considered bald

13. Force Ghastly to dress like Tanith (scary thought)

14. Kiss Skulduggery and Artemis and Sherlock

15. Wish people reviewed

16. Use Fletcher as a sacrifice

17. Try not to scream for one second (not possible)

18. Drink vodka in order to throw up in Skulduggery's car

19. Lick a stop sign

20. Tell every stranger on the street to read Skulduggery Pleasant


	36. Translation 4 Kicking and Screaming

Sorry i forgot to give you guys a translation...hehhehheheh! It is in order of sentence...

Here it is: I don't know what you and the skeleton will do for each others love!

What is wrong with you? Oh no!


	37. Missing

"Oh! There you are, Stewart." Mercyful picked up her beloved pencil, Stewart.

"Indeed," he said simply.

"What's eating you?" Mercyful raised an eyebrow. "OMG! ! ! You don't have termites or anything, do you? ? ? Ah! ! ! What am I going to do? ? ?"

Stewart groaned inwardly. _First, you stop abusing punctuation so. Second… Um… Whatever._

Instead, he said, "No, no. I'm fine. Just fine."

Mercyful regarded him curiously, shrugged her shoulders and gently put him the pocket of her pinstriped suit.

* * *

Kneeling, she started to pick the not-at-all-complicated locks Skulduggery had installed. He was really very careless about them.

Stepping into the house, she took Stewart out of his perch and set him into her breast pocket so that his head poked out. He stared at her.

"What'cha lookin at?" he asked idly.

"You." For some obscure reason, she blushed.

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Mercyful? What are you doing here? Why did you break in? Do I even want to know?" Skulduggery strolled in.

"At your service, wanted some company apart from Stewart, what the _hell_," she tucked her lock-picks into her boot-top, "And probably not."

"Why is no one else home?"

"Mum's out clubbin'. I'm banned from that… And the drinkin'… And the fu-"

"Hush!"

"Fine…"

"Well, I guess you can stay then. For a while." Mercyful grinned.

* * *

**A/N: So, the dreaded Miss Fear is back!**

**Incidentally, the original draft had less swearing and a _lot_ less innuendo. Blame her Beta.**

**-Mercyful  
**


	38. Missing Part 2

"What do you mean?"Skulduggery asked dumbstruck which is all the time.

"I don't know!"She shrugged curling into a ball on the floor and then stood suddenly.

"Gotta go."

"But you just got here."

"Dont tell me what to do!"

"But-"With that she left.

The next day...

There was a fevered hammering at the door.

"What?'Skulduggery opend the door, it was MercyFul.

"He's gone! And theres a ransom note!" She held it high and trudged in. He took the paper and read it out loud.

"5000 or else! That's it? How did they get Stewart? Hes a fighter." She shrugged sheepishly.

"I was in the shower." She stared at him and then began to cry.

"Come one lets distract you while I think of a plan."

1 hour later...

"Skulduggery are you considered bald?"MercyFul asked rapping a green lock of hair around her finger. He turned sharply at her.

"I dont have a clue."

"Oh..."

"So when are you going to put down the cards?"

"When you stop being an egomaniac."

"Pfft never then."

"Shut up you bone head."

"Moody."

"Shut up!"MercyFul screamed and burst into tears. "Where oh where could my Stewart be?"


	39. My Bday

Little late for this but...Happy Bday to me!

I like to thank my mom for f- umm marring my dad. My sisters for making want to create Stewart. And Mademise my twin who is so awesome that words cant describe how happy she makes me when she sends me a message. Wohooo! A year closer to death!


	40. A Diary of Ashes

"Skulduggery?" Mercy asked innocently one day, holding her hand behind her back.

"Yes, dear?" He asked not letting his fear show.

"Where's Fletcher?" She asked softly, she was frowning.

"Umm...in the kitchen...I daresay why do you need to know?"

"I'm ticked at him thats all." She marched into the kitchen, Fletcher's eyes widened as he saw her. "Jerk! Never think of touching Valkyrie or I'll tear you limb from limb! You know she belongs to Skulduggery Pleasant who can easily kick your ass!"

"What are you talking about?"He asked bewildered. She took out the object in which she had hidden from behind her back. It was his diary. He flushed red and then ran away as fast as he could. But Mercy being a track girl tackeled him before he could reach any human being that he could've used as a sheild. She punched him a dozens times and simply left him limp on the ground, she stood standing towering over him with power of the madness kind in her eyes.

"Pervert!" She clicked her fingers summoning a flame and turned his beloved dairy into ashes.


	41. ABC Vendetta

ABC Vendetta

A is for applying a fake mustache to Skulduggery's face when he is asleep.

B is for beating Fletcher up on Tuesdays and Sundays.

C is for coloring Ghastly's store pink.

D is for dumping tiolet water into Val's coffee mug.

E is for eating all the peanut butter at Wal Mart.

F is for french kissing Artemis Fowl in my day dreams.

G is for getting drunk every night.

H is for hating Justin Beaver.

I is for involving myself with insane run aways.

J is for joking about killing Fletcher but secretly really being serious.

K is for killing every Valduggery Basher Bastard.

L is for licking windows with Flaring.

M is for murder attempts of Edward Cullen.

N is for nesting like a bird in a tree for a night or maybe two.

O is for October trick or treating.

P is for pranking Mademise into slapping Fletcher.

Q is for questing on a dumb adventure with Stewart.

R is for resisting arrest.

S is for sleeping ontop of the Pyramids.

T is for tipping over Skulduggery when he leans against the wall.

U is for uncovering Skulduggery's true identity.

V is for Volvo jumping off of cliff games, using Edward Cullen's ride.

W is for website commenting on Valduggery mush that's rated T.

X is for x marks the spot on Ghastly's butt to kick him.

Y is for yes I'll marry you Leonardo De Caprio.

Z is for zzzzznoring.

The day is out and the deeds done. Time to pertend you weren't the one that did them.


	42. Dumb Mysteries

"Fletcher can I have a dollar or maybe twenty?" Mercy asked Fletcher, he narrowed his eyes, catching a trade.

"What's in it for me?" She roled her eyes and slapped him.

"Selfish-badass-haired-bastard!" She said turning to Skulduggery who just walked into the room.

"Dame dinero porra mi raza, Senor." She demanded, though no one knew what she was demanding. Skulduggery scrathed his skull, confused shitless. "give me money for my people, you idiot!"

"Oh. Okay as long as your people don't beat me for it."Skulduggery handed her his wallet, afraid of who exactly were her people. She smiled and hugged him.

"No promises...Thank you for donating to The FSF." She said wickedly and turned violently to Fletcher. "Jerk! See Skulduggery is a proper gentleman."

"Why thank you."Skulduggery said leaving the room, she gave him a warm smile. She counted the money and looked evily at Fletcher. He backed away.

"I still need more money." Skulduggery popped in again.

'I advice you to give her some money or she'll do something to you that will scar you for life." He said getting his keys and leaning in the door frame.

"Never." Mercy punched him and he went out cold.

1 hour later...

"Help! Help! Some one get me down from here!" Fletcher screamed from the top of Gordon's house...hanging by his toes. The words 'worthless jerk' was written everywhere...and I mean everywhere. His hair was dyed pink and green. She pulled him back up.

"Give me money for The FSF." She said with a mouthful of peanut butter.

"No."She push him off again.

"Your fault."She walked away.

5 hours later...

"What the HELL Fletcher!"Valkyrie said after getting of the roof.

"Mercy is a lune I swear! She wanted money for some unknown reason!"Val looked shocked.

"You don't know what The FSF is do you?" He looked confused. She looked at him with angry daggers.

"You are such a jerk!" She slapped him and marched away.

Poor Fletcher didn't have a clue. Can you figure out why she needs for The FSF and what it is? And who are her people?


	43. Scissors

This is what Skulduggery Pleasant thought of his first hair cut. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHe. It didn't turn out well as you can see.

Scissors

I don't want to go to the Barber

But you are because you need a hair cut

I don't want to go

But you're going and that's that

Here I am

In the dreadful chair

The balding man asking Mommy which hair cut

I feel I might just cry

Until I die

Mommy doesn't know it

But I'm scared of scissors

Oh no

The scissors

They are nearing my head

And in the end of it now

Mommy regrets it like me

Now she's scared of scissors too


	44. Answer 1

Congrats, Insanity Moonshine! You have figured out the first dumb mystery! The drabble with you in it will be out very soon, like...next...idk...soon!

* * *

"The FSF is under construction, but it'll hit the world hard soon." Mercy announces at the Weekly Skulduggery Pleasant Convention.

"For now you show your advocacy by writing 'I Support The FSF 100%' everywhere you can, and we mean everywhere. Mercy here even got a tattoo for it." Mademise said addressing with a sad heart. Crowd claps and lights dim.


	45. Contest !

You'd wonder about many things…but mostly purpose and its contradiction. Its always been that way, ever since the beginning of time. And no one knows when we first appeared. Do we? ~Merci Le Fer

* * *

This is now a contest:

The first person to send me the funniest story ever through private messaging of course, wins! Yay! Not much but hey! I'm in mourning and the most exteme writer's block ever! So at the least send me some kind of idea...or joke that'll make me LMFAO, or your fav random topic. Anything! Please! And review! I need comfort during my mourning stage! Please! ~Merci Le Fer


	46. Kidnapping Skulduggery Pleasant

Insanity Moonshine was no normal lune who was after Skulduggery Pleasant. Oh no, she was a lune with a plan. A plan to get Skulduggery Pleasant. This was her list to start the plan she likes to call.

Mission K.I.S.S

(**Kill **and **invade** anyone in the way of **Skulduggery** then **Split**.):

Rope

MercyFul Fear and Stewart (carry out threat)

Pocket Knife

Valkyrie Cain( ransom)

Super Glue

Glitter

Expensive Car

* * *

Insanity Moonshine rubbed her hands and got ready for battle...umm I mean... taking over the world...no **Kidnapping Skulduggery Pleasant.**


	47. Crazy Conversations

Midnight Rainbow is a friend of mine. Here are our past conversations:

-So, how's your day, Midnight Rainbow?

-*silence*

-Okay then, nevermind. Are you okay, Midnight Rainbow?

-I'm bipolar. Do you think I'm okay?

-PMS much?

-*Midnight Rainbow raises eyebrows*

-*turns around*

-Yeah, you better turn around.

-Who made you mad?

-I started calling people for help, but none of them would pick up the phone... bastards.

-What's that gotta do with me then?

-IDK, I just want to be moody for a day; you can't let me have that?

Me: Hey Midnight Rainbow, what do you want to do when you grow up?

Her: My options are social worker, defense attorney, and marriage counselor, what do you think I should put for my first option?

Me: defense attorney hyah!

Her: Well, I want a career tour that's fun to be on... maybe marriage counseling for this year?

Me: *silent*

Her: This is what I will tell them: You know what is the best way to resolve a marriage?

Me: *raises eyebrows*

Her: Divorce... duh.

Me: xD

Her: Well, right after I charge them money for five days a week for a whole month... what a bunch of losers...

Me: Yeah, go ahead and do that...*mutters under breath* homewrecker...

Her: Do you know that I found facebook to be a really good network of communication?

Me: *looks at her weirdly*

Her: I mean, news travels really fast... Like now I know my lame cousin managed to find a girlfriend

Me: lol xD

Her: *shakes head* I feel sorry for her...

Me: *shocked*

Her: He seriously goes on yahoo every day saying, "Where are you? :( :("

Me: ?

Her: desperate, much? ughhh...

Me: What's wrong?

Her: Nothing... Nothing's wrong!

Me: Where's my rubix cube? (2*2)

Her: I'm still working on it!

Me: That long? The day is almost over...

Her: If two sides are perfect, the other two aren't...

Me: Give it to me. I'll get someone to finish it...

Her: No! I can do it!

Me: *raises eyebrows*

Her: AHHH! I hate this rubix cube...

Me: *mutters under breath* loser...

Skulduggery: What does this convo has to do with me?

Me: So Midnight-

Skulduggery: Hello! Detective that you are completely attracted to is here. Don't ignore me.

Her: What's that noise?

Me: I don't have a clue.

Skulduggery: Mercy speak to me please! For the first time please talk my skull off!

Me: Hahaha I tricked you. Yes! SO skulduggery how you been? Do you like Val? I love you! Hey how's your car? What's your fav color? Have you met Midnight? She's crazy. She actually helped me to get you to say you wanted me to talk for like forever! Ha I got you! Wohoo!

She goes on forever until Val makes her stop by using a pimp slap.


	48. Peanut Butter Shortage

THE PENUT BUTTER SHORTAGE By My Friend Luny Bird

VAL AND TANITH WERE JUST SITTING ON A JAR OF PENUTBUTTER WATHCHING BARNEY ON A ELEPHANT THEN SKULL WALKED UP AND SAID "I WANT PENUT BUTTER"

THEN STARTED LIKING THE ELEPHANT THEN VAL SAID "NOT THE ELEPHANT SKUL ITS GOTTA KILL BARNEY SO I CAN MAKE HIM A VAMPIRE!" TANITH THEN SAYS"SOCKS KILL NEWTS!"

AND VAL SAID "HATS KILL BANANAS"

THEN SKUL SAID "ROMEO ROMEO WERE ART THOU ROMEO!" THEN KISSED VAL AND THEN WALKD UP 2 FLECHER AND KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS AND SLAPED HIM THEN VAL AND TANITH JOINED IN AND BEAT HIM TO NEAR DEATH THEN FOR GOOD MEASURES CALLED LUNNY BIRD (A.K.A Luny Bird) 2 FINISH HIM WITH HER BANANA

THE END


	49. A Piece of The Longest Convo Ever

"Skulduggery?" Val called, he appeared in the doorway.

"What is it?"

"I've been...robbed." He tilted his head.

"Uh, what makes you think that?"

"Everything is where its supposed to be."

"And there's a problem with that?"

"Last time I check everything was a mess."

"So you weren't robbed, you were intruded."

"No, yeah... the point is some one thought they could clean my room wihtout permission."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No, maybe...who do you think did it?"

"If I said hypothetically that I did it, would you get mad?"

"What? You cleaned my room? Don't you think I'm perfectly cappable?"

"Then I did not do it."

"Mhmm... and I suppose Mercy has a part time job as the tooth fairy."

Just then Mercy showes up with a tooth fairy uniform, in black of course. She hid money under the pillow and left.

"Well that was odd."

"Yes. Yes it was. SO anyways, who do you suppose cleaned it?"

"I don't know."

"You're a detective! How can you not figure this out?"

"I don't know."

"Well I sure heck didn't. No one comes in my room. Except you. Well... doesn't matter...I'll just end up getting everything dirty."

"Well can't you at least try to keep it clean? Because I never knew you had green carpet...and its not a stain."

"I can bloody do as I please." She looks at the ground. " Oh well that is nice... Skulduggery... do you think I'm messy?"

"Honestly?...Yes."

"Well I suppose that is true of me. And you're super neat, when I see your house I'm like 'Whoa! He's too perfect.' "

"Really?"

"No."

"That is cruel."

"Your ego is more cruel to me. I have to deal with it for the rest of my natural life and then some."

"I'm that terrible?"

"It's not even half."

"Well your obnoxous, too. Always asking questions, getting in dangers way, hurting yourself, and depending on me too much."

"Now that was mean. Wanker."

"And you call me names."

"You're the immature one, what I'm 16 and you're...405 or something. Gosh, get over yourself."

"Why did I ever accept you for an apprentice?"

"Because I'm charming."

"I don't think so."

"You saw spirit in me?"

"Mmnnope."

"Then _what_ did you see in me?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know alot of things."

"I do too know things."

Whatever!."

"Someday, Cain."

"Someday what?"

"You'll shut your mouth."

"Pfft, only when you do."

"Oh really?"

Yes, absolutely."

"Okay."There was a silence of awkwardness. (Gay baby born...no offense...friend told me that...)

"Stop talking and start kissing." Mercy said, making them jump. "So are you going to do something?"They both shook their heads. "Why?" They shrugged and pointed at each other. "Just speak already!"

"Okay. Okay."Skulduggery said.


	50. Scavenger Hunt

"Crap." MercyFul Fear said out loud, "Crap."

"Mercy! Stop cussing." Skulduggery warned, she simply starred and turned the oppisite direction.

"Crap." She repeated.

"What did I say?" Skulduggery said, finger pointing.

"You didn't say I couldn't curse in the oppisite direction." She said matter factly.

"Ugh...why must you do that?"

"It's a weirdo thing, you wouldn't understand." She replied hotly.

"Sure..."She gave him a dirty glare.

"Wanna play a game?" She asked.

"Not if it's like the last time." He said, trying to make a run for it. Unfortunetly, Stewart was in the way. His human form, quite menacing. "What game is it?" He finally asked.

"It's a scavenger game, but you don't really have to do anything. Just hold one of the items on the list."She said, getting a paper out.

"What is it?"

"You'll see." She smiled, Stewart then tied done Skulduggery so they could insert the object.

What do you think it is?

Or give some suggestion...I probably don't know.


	51. Antawhat?

"Skulduggery do you have Anatidaephobia?" The confused figure shakes his head, sure that, that is some type of fear, but he doubts he has fears. "Are you absolutely sure about that?" She asks, eyebrows raised.

"Mercy, I'm quite sure." She nods here head as if to agree and walks out of the room with a blank expression on here face. And so she finds Fletcher sitting on the dining table and shoves him off.

"Fletcher do you have Anatidaephobia?" He looks at her as if she was the most ludicrous things he's sawn, and that itself says something.

"I rather not answer to that question." He stated, just before transporting to the doorway of the kitchen.

"But why?" She moans, wanting to know very much if he has it or not.

"Well because every time I answer incorrectly you either torture me or my hair. I don't really like that, you do understand?" He said, reaching into the fridge.

"Don't talk to me as if I understand smart people words, wanker." She mumbled as she ran off and out of the house.

At her house…

Mercy holds a rubber duck in her hand.

"They will be afraid, very afraid." She laughs like a lunatic, while spreading butter on the yellow duck.


End file.
